The Holy Land, Resumed

Israel Part II starts right here, right now. Get excited. Winnie: I'm writing this for you. Don't forget that.

Anyway, so after an overall mostly lame Day 2, I kicked off Day 3 with a lecture at 8:30am. Gee, that was fun. We heard three different speakers who were pretty much all across the board in terms of their topic and their ability to hold my interest. Speaker #1: Rabbi Asher Wade. Born a Methodist, he holds about 87 different degrees in higher education from esteemed schools, was once on staff at Cambridge, and was a Methodist Minister. Yes, Rabbi Wade was once a minister. How's that for a change of pace? Excellent speaking aside, I must focus on the truly important details here, and that includes the fact that Asher looked astonishingly like Santa Claus (it's his doppleganger I swear) and that he talked with an intonation like I've never heard before. I want you to hear how this guy would say "really?" b/c he did it drawn out over a 5-second stretch starting in a really low pitch and ending v. high. All I know is that across the remainder of the trip, everyone would say an Asher-style "really" on avg. 5 x/day. That was irritating. But, oh so fun.

Speaker #2: he sucked. Who cares.

#3: An Arab Muslim Jew living in Israel and a reporter for the Jerusalem Post. With loyalty to absolutely no side at all and highly inflammatory views of the government, I still am to this day trying to figure out how he's still alive. Insert shoulder shrug here.

Post-speakers, we headed out to Tel Aviv for the afternoon. Our destination was the Israeli Microsoft HQs, where we heard the head of the division speak. Personally, although I am an MBA who went on an MBA trip to Israel, I really had no desire to talk business over there. I have a job. And that is quite enough biz-nass for me. So the highlight of that trip was a visit to Coffee Bean. You travel to a country that speaks a language that is incomprehensibly ancient, and you can still get a damn 2% latte. Oh, and the highlight of the CBean trip was the highlight of the Tel Aviv trip was when my friend Mike tried to pay with money that had been printed so long ago that it was out of circulation. Upon handing it to the cashier, he was asked, "What [the hell] is this, [dude]?" (brackets indicate the tone communicated through facial expression alone) That was funny.

Of course we heard another speaker after this, but a nice change of venue - went to the home of one our trip mate's uncle's (Israeli dude). Good speaker; involved in Israeli TV industry. Told a story about prank-calling Ariel Sharon's wife and broadcasting it on network television. Didn't go over so well w/ his producer, but sure did entertain me.

Dinner was an all you can eat steak house. I don't know. I really like steak. But it's def not one of those foods I can eat in giant quantities. Especially when it's overcooked. And totally mediocre. But who needs good food when you have a little story time over dinner? Especially when you have a guy whose bright idea of "share something no one knows about you" prompts him to discuss the time he hooked up with some Australian chick in the bushes while away at boy scout camp. Hi friend, your audience? Contains a Rabbi and his family. Great choice of story.

Anyway. Can I mention what happened when were en route to go out post-dinner? Great, awesome. We're traipsing through the rain and mud along the Tel Aviv beaches, and we pass this one little shack-like bar, and this dude wearing a motorcycle helmet comes sprinting out and he's screaming, "help me!!! help me help me help me!" But he also like, waving a gun. So it's dark and this guy has a weapon and is dangerously close to us. We didn't so much help me. We kind of ran away. I think you would've too.

That set the theme for the night. Eventually we ended up at Whiskey a-go-go which is all red leather and banquettes and chandeliers and old Russian men. No sightings of all the beautiful people my friend Sumona promised me. Nope, def not, unless you count Winnie, who has gone totally Euro all the way, down to this diet which must consist of cigarettes and vodka given his skinniness. Joe, it works for you - but please don't stop eating altogether. Food: good!

So clearly seeing Winnie was a highlight; highlight #2 came with my cab ride, where our story-telling extraordaire friend told some story about dressing up like Zoro-ski, that's Zoro, but Jewish, as pointed out by Abe - hence making it funny... I really can't do this little vignette justice. Apologies.

So then, I am now through Day 3 and onto Day 4. I think that good things come to those who wait. You want good things, don't you? Don't you? You do. So wait for the next entry to see what Day 4 has in store...

On Karmic Energy, and Facebook.

So I guess it's been sometime since I've blogged. And wow now that I'm trying to right now I almost feel like I'm speaking in some sort of foreign language. I'm rusty! Gee golly, am I.

Ok so last Friday I was sitting waiting for Bart when this homeless dude approached me very hesitantly and finally got around to asking me for what he'd initially approached me about: needing $1.80 to get out of the rain and cold and go take a shower. I told him that I had no cash, but I totally lied as I really did have $1 on me. But I never give $$ on the street b/c I don't know there are one million people asking for it and it just becomes this inconvenience and you become this street-hardened quasi bitch. So after this particular incident I felt bizarrely terrible and was like "shit, I really should've helped that guy out."

And then it dawned on me that it was totally my turn to pay it forward and I didn't do it. That was it. You see, several days previous to that, I was leaving the Oakland APort (coming home from Sundance) at 1:30am on a disgusting, cold, rainy night. I realized I had $4 left from the weekend. As I went to pay my parking bill (CCard), I asked the parking attendant if she knew if the Oakland to SF toll was $4 or $5. She thought $5. I asked her if I could charge an extra $1 onto my parking bill and have $1 in exchange. She responded, no, but that she could just give me $1. I thanked her profusely. Turned out I only needed $4 not $5 so I am carrying around that donated $1.

It has since become imperative for me to pay forward that $1. But at this rate, I think the interest has compounded as it can only do on a Karmic $1, so now it's likely something like $5 at least that I need to pay forward. And I on this MISSION to get it done. Naturally, no opps presented themselves this weekend. Fortunately, I am sure that on my commute tomorrow I'll be able to get it done so I don't risk throwing off my Karmic balance. I think that's a very delicate thing in this world. Anyway, here's to good Karma to you all.

In other news, I would like to say a few words about how shittin' crazy this whole FBook ordeal has become lately. The other night, I logged onto FB to accept a few invites, and decided to play a bit and update my relationship "status" to "in a relationship." I was careful to click the little "x" on the box beside that status update on my news feed page. I can change it just to accurately reflect my personal state of being via the WWW, but I don't need to send it out like the Daily Candy to my 216 (right....) "friends," eh?

But, apparently I needed to go in and actually change security settings or something to prevent it from showing on other peoples' feeds... So the next morning I received no less than 15 emails, IMs, and/or FB messages inquiring about or noting my status change. It was crazy. My friend Katie R who lives in London and who I've not talked to in at LEAST 2 mos IMed me as soon as I logged in. Man alive. That is some kind of phenom. I now know that if there is any sort of news that I actually NEED to broadcast? FB is def the way to go...

Anyway, I do need to finish my Israel blog, but in the mean time I thought this would do. OH BTW, my little brother has decided to start blogging. Mine of course is much better than his. I will post the link in sometime, but right now I'm frankly too lazy to go find it in my email, so it will just have to wait. As will blogging any further cuz for now I think it's about to end this and wrap up my weekend. Sunday nights are the WORST!

Israel, Part I

Another trip, another dreadfully long blog entry. I can't help it. It's my own permanent record of my travels. I'll post in pieces so you can take it slow. Too lazy to post pictures in, so instead I have included a link to allllllllllllllll my pictures which are online - here you go:

http://picasaweb.google.com/linderms/IsraelDec2007

On that note...

Traveling

I took three flights and endured approximately 30 hours worth of travel to get the holy land. I did use the word endured and you would too if you spent over an entire day just getting somewhere. That borders on the ridiculous. Anyway, on my flight from LA to Zurich, I was asked shortly into my fight if I’d like to move to a back row by one of the stewardesses as I’d have access to two seats. Actually the stewardess cared little for my comfort and mostly wanted me to move so the family I had been sitting with could have an extra seat for their little munchkins. In fact, the row of seats she moved me to had non-working overheard lights and a busted tv monitor in the aisle seat (the preferred, clearly). That non-withstanding, I thought I was getting a sweet deal as when I sat down the 3rd seat in the row appeared unoccupied save for a lone sweatshirt. 1.5 hours later the seat still had no passenger. I continued watching my movie and dreaming about how awesome it’d be when I stretched out across the entire row. The movie ended; I finished off my red wine and took several Tylenol PMs in prep for sleep and just as I was about lay my head down, an Italian dude returned to the sweat-shirted seat and after a non-sensical exchange of words I confirmed that indeed he was there for the remainder of the flight. Foiled! Asshole.

Zurich

Zurich must be the most expensive city in the entire universe. A parking ticket in SF costs you $40. I bet in Zurich it costs you $240. We had a 5 or so hour layover in this incredibly cold city which warranted a trip out of the airport, enough time to wander the streets (and be cold) and eat dinner. We examined at least 7 menus and could not find a single damn restaurant in Zurich where one could eat a meal for less than around $30. In the end we ate at an Italian place where I consumed a bowl of soup and a plate of pasta that was essentially a chunk of carbs drowning in cream spiced up with some black truffles (if you’re going to eat in the most expensive city on earth, you might as well indulge). Aside from the fact that I have probably never eaten a single plate of food containing that many calories, I spent about $70 on my meal. I think I spent more on that one single dinner in my layover city than I did on the sum total of all meals I purchased in Israel.

Day 1

We arrived at the King Solomon Hotel in Jerusalem, most def not to be confused with the luxurious government-official-haven King David Hotel, at approximately 5am and I went straight to bed. After sleeping for a few hours we headed to breakfast (are you sensing this theme of sleep/eat/sleep/eat that I lived by for about 2 days straight) which for me on Day 1 as well as Days 2-10 consisted of large amounts of smoked fishes and Bulgarian Feta (my newest cheese of choice). I *think* I overate but I *know* for sure that Jocelyn liked it when I announced in the elevator that I was on the verge of exploding fish and cheese. The first activity of the day was an Orientation session. Game 1: that name thing where you sit in a circle and then recite the name and nickname of all the people that went before as well as your own. My favorite nicknames included:

1) “Just Dave:” Dave announced he has no nickname and therefore we sighed and agreed that we’d *just* call him *just* dave, which while I think is somewhat sad, is also quite entertaining.

2) “Kabob:” This kid Bobby told us that one of his nicknames is Kabob. And that he hates it. So what happens when you tell someone that? They call you that the rest of the trip. In fact, no other nickname was used as profusely as was Kabob. And after you called him Kabob, you’d giggle.

3) “Butterscotch:” Nickname of Layla, the soft-spoken, highly observant Orthodox girl on our trip. No explanation provided. I think that the contrast b/t person and name sans explanation is explanation enough for why that name is just so good.

Anyway. After our little get acquainted session, we departed for the Knesset - the Israeli Parliament – with this guy Ken who was our guide for a few days. He was terrible. I want to here make note of part of the dress code for the Knesset: “’Crocs’ shoes are not permitted unless they are black or navy.” Really??? Is that REALLY part of the dress code??? We met w/ a Knesset membr – Yoel Hasson – pretty cool stuff. He addressed his perspectives on Iran, the Annapolis Summit, keeping Jerusalem whole, refusing a Palestinian state, and Israel’s pro-Bush/pro-America sentiments. I love that Israel loves Bush when his own country has pretty much fallen completely out of love with him.

Daylight ended shortly after the Knesset and we headed to dinner in the Ben Yehuda district at Café Rimon. In my opinion, the meal consisted of Chinese food, Italian food, and Mexican food, all served with lots of hummus. I didn’t so much understand it. Anyway I lost my appetite sitting next to Ken, the atrocious tour guide with an ego the size of Masada who has not and likely will never learn how to shut the f up.

Dinner was followed by a lecture. I can’t remember who lectured or what he lectured on b/c I was falling asleep. So it must’ve been super great.

Luckily the day closed with our fist visit to the Western Wall, or the Kotel. There is really nothing on this earth like it. Visiting that wall makes Rome feel new. The Wall abuts land that pretty much was not the birthplace of Judaism but of humanity – how can you describe what you feel when you’re touching something so ancient? You also, while in the excavation tunnels of the Kotel, get as close as religiously permitted to the stone that marks the place where Abraham nearly sacrificed Isaac and the cornerstone of the oldest temple. The Holiest of Holies. Deeply moving and something that everyone must experience for herself.

Day 2

Day 2: Not fun. I ask you this: if you travel half way around the world to see one of the most historic lands on earth – do you hope to engage in team building activities while there? Do you want to do things like relay races on giant wooden stilts across a field specked with dog shit, or play pick-up games of red rover? No? Me neither. The rest of the day was filled with lectures. I knew that I’d have to attend said lectures, I knew that – but it’s still no easier to stomach. There were two highlights to the day:

• Visit to Yad va Shem – The Holocaust Museum, strikingly done. Just not enough time. And I got lost getting back to the bus. Yes, I got lost finding my way out of a museum. Are we really that surprised?
• Dinner – Went out for AJ’s bday. Best meal of the trip. Grilled meat and a great salad. And wine. Lots and lots of Israeli wine.