Can I Get a Swig?

One of our class’s smaller, leaner specimens recently tried out the Stanly Burrough’s Master Cleanse Diet, which for those of you that don’t know, entails a ten-day fast, during which you imbibe nothing save for three Nalgene bottles worth of water with lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and a bit of maple syrup. Oh, you can drink water and mint tea as well. As school is making me fat, I opted to give it a shot. I was initially game for 10 days, then decided 8 (so I could ease myself back into food and drink in time for a May 12 wedding), then figured 5 and two days of soup was good enough for me.

The diet is kicked off every morning with a big glass of salt water (you are supposed to drink 4 C, I went for 2) – this is to keep you…regular. You would be amazed that after 5 days of eating no solid food, this salt water still manages to keep you…regular. Weird. It’s not the hunger pangs that bother you on this thing, it’s the mental factor – it’s sitting around studying and dreaming about food, it’s waking up in the morning wanting more than anything, food. And it’s dreading yet another day of drinking shady tasting lemonade. But, once you publicly tell you friends that you are going to do it, you are bound, through escalation of commitment (thank you, HR). PS: don’t expect your friends to react favorably. They will think you’re an idiot. And now, in retrospect, I rather think you are, too.

Anyway, I made it through my five days. I even attribute a recent moment of clarity (I realized that it was time for me to make a decision re: a six year relationship that has been dragging lately) to the fasting and a evening yoga session. So that is that. but now let’s talk about how good food tastes. Ok – yes – I cheated a bit on day 5. I had a cup of soup in lieu of one of my lemon juicers. It was the same caloric content anyway. Do you know how good that soup tasted? Sooooooooooooooooo good. Even better was the grilled fish and mashed potatoes I enjoyed on Saturday night. I swore it was the best fish I’d ever eaten. When my friends tasted I don’t think they agreed, but that is beside the point.

The last issue to discuss here is the purpose of the cleanse. It is meant to cleanse your colon. Was I concerned with “cleansing” my colon? Would you be? Do you really care how sparkling clean your GI tract walls are? I could care less. I wanted to lose weight. So the thing is, I don’t own a scale, nor do I really believe in scales, be it that I’m a fairly small person and I sure do weigh a lot. I rely on specific pieces of clothing – such as this one Kenneth Cole silk skirt that is forever my nemesis – to tell me how I’m doing. So I weighed myself on Saturday at my friend Melissa’s. I think I actually gained weight. But, I feel better anyway. There is something about telling yourself you didn’t eat food for five days that makes you feel like you had to have done something. And at any rate, it will def make you re-appreciate the goodness of food.