The May Gray

For the past several weeks the weather has been dreadful and, in my opinion, incredibly un-LA. There is a perpetual “marine layer” (I would say it’s cloudy out but here it’s the Marine Layer, just like when it gets warm it’s not just warm, it’s the “Santa Annas” blowing in, but this is beside the point) clouding my sunny life. It’s May damn it, it’s supposed to be 80. I’m supposed to be wearing a skirt and tank top (I’m wearing jeans and long sleeves). I don’t get it, I moved here for one key reason: to maintain a year round tan. It’s been doing pretty well, but it’s starting to fade, and it’s disconcerting.

So I did some research. When I moved here my roommate warned me of this sad phenomenon called June Gloom. This means that in June, it is gloomy… But see, what she didn’t warn me about was what my research helped me discover – it’s currently the May Gray. And it sucks.

Fortunately, spray tan exists, and I think that I’ll survive. But I do wish that I’d been warned. So, here’s what I’m thinking – I used to live in Indianapolis, right? I’ve decided to put together some weather warnings for anyone that may be facing a future in this lovely city.

Alright, in September and October the weather is tolerable. It’s sunny, not too humid, temps in the 60s-70s. You may enjoy this! We’ll call this, Fall Ball – take advantage!

Beginning in November and stretching through to March, it is perpetually overcast and freezing cold, with precipitation in the form of sleet or snow not infrequent. It sucks. please be advised to wear a lot of layers and play boardgames and stuff. I am warning you about the Winter Splinter.

From March to May it will warn up (gradually). But the precipitation remains not infrequent, although the snow turns to rain. Also the humidity really starts to kick in. It’s nice. We’ll call this the Spring Cling, and again, you’ve been warned.

Then we have June through August, summer! You think swimming pools and sunshine. Here’s what to expect: 100% humidity and 100 degree heat. I suggest sticking to air conditioned locations when you’re not in a body of water. Warning: Summer Bummer.

Good luck. I hope this leads to a better sense of expectations. And PS: picture is how it shoudl be in LA and never is in Indy - warm, sunny, and perfect.