Fine, fine, we'll have the chowmein. (Post #100!)

I really don’t like minivans. I actually kind of hate them. They are by far the most unfashionable of all types of automobile and I care not if they are just great for soccer moms hauling around their soccer kids, I will never, ever, drive one. If my mom had ever tried to drive one (she was an SUV mom thank you) I think I would’ve stolen the keys or something. Sorry if I’ve offended… Listen, plz don’t take offense. It’s ridiculous to hate a car genre b/c it’s unfashionable anyway….yes…it is.

Anyway I just had my dislike renewed b/c on the way home this evening I was driving behind one and they had a tv inside playing something or other. And I swear it was incredibly distracting to me. I could barely pay attention to the ride b/c I was so preoccupied with trying to figure out what they were watching inside. Was it The Hills? And…was I on it???

Anyway, they sure are Midwest. Wanna know what else is Midwest, aside from the hideous, brutal, miserable cold of winter? Cheap drinks. I say amen. I had dinner tonight and ordered a (non-well) cocktail and it was $4.95. Let’s forget about the “0.95” aspect of that which is totally dumb and focus on the cheapness. That is unheard of in LA. Which sure is nice.

So what else do I have to say. Well it’s been…I think…10 days of pure unadulterated family time for me so far. I have seen more of Dick, Jane, and Greg and only D, J, and G than I ever thought imaginable. And we’re all still alive, which is good. But I will say this. I was due to lunch w/ my bf, Annie, this morning, at Patachou, where I order the lentil pate on sour dough w/ extra blue cheese horseradish spread like it’s a religion, as we do every time we come home. I came down for my coffee this morning and Jane is all, “I didn’t know you were having lunch w/ Annie and Mare this morning! Why didn’t you invite me?” That would be b/c I didn’t know we were having lunch w/ Mare and Jane either… Jane couldn’t make it, so it was just the three of us, but I was sure to give Annie a big, hearty, and sincere thank you for nearly giving me yet more time w/ my mother. I do love her, I do to death, but I need to change up my company. For my sanity.

After lunch I went to the gym w/ Jane, where, after my workout, I did something so Midwest girl, I hit up the tanning bed in winter. You see I have a lovely tan right now thanks to Cancun, but I’m most worried right now about losing it. I have a wedding on Saturday night and I am bound and determined to be the f’in tan girl at the wedding. No one is going to take that away from me, even if it means putting my real-sunned body under some fake-sun and walking away with the faint scent of cooking skin under my sweaty workout clothes and into the 30 degree cold. So take that you bitches, I WILL be the tan girl.

Final piece of news I have. In Cancun we ate ridiculous meals for dinner every night. I took down more steak, lobster, and seafood dripping in cream than I cared to see in a single span of a week. And our first night back in IN Jane cooked leg of lamb. I of all people am not one to turn down savory culinary treats, but last night, when Jane brought out the pepper steak and prepared to serve it up with scalloped potatoes, we put the kibosh on dinner and said no. No more red meat, cream, and starch all in one meal, nope, not going to happen.

So what ensued. We went to a 7pm of Pursuit of Happiness (pretty good). And then we left and everyone craved potstickers. And we did the most cliché modern Jew move: we totally stopped and picked up Chinese takeout at 9:30pm on Christmas day. We have resisted for so many years, but we finally succumbed. I can’t say I’m proud of it…but I will admit that it happened.

And I figured since we’ve already indulged in this one really big cliché, might as well indulge another: want to know what my project for tomorrow is? Writing a “holiday letter” for the Lindy family (Jane does New Years cards v. Xmas time cards). I like to think mine will not be as sappy and irritating as all those that pile in our kitchen every holiday season…but…let’s be real. If you’re going to go cliché I think you may as well go all out.

With love from IN: The end.