The weekend brought with it a series of revelations for me, revelations about things that you can always count on relative to LA. Like here's my first one. It's warm, sunny, and beautiful in LA about 340 days/year. And I assure you, your East Coast friends who are leaving behind brutally cold temperatures and snow to go to the beach with you will definitely come on one of those remaining 25 days. Let me do some quick math. That is only 7% of the time. But you mark my words, it will happen, here in LA. It's one of those things you can count on. And then you'll spend the weekend taking your friends to "beach" parties where they have to put jeans over their swim suits and bundle up in sweatshirts, which is so NOT beach, so NOT LA. And you'll feel guilty even though you can't do anything about.
Other things you can count on. LA is f'in ridiculously big. Like it goes for miles and miles and miles. You can drive 3 hours and still be within LA county limits. In fact, according to Veeve, this phenom could be called "Disturban Sprawl." She said she MUST be credited. Do you get it? Disturbing...Suburban....you get it. This is more related to the add for "Disturbia" we just saw but never mind that. Anyway, so it's big right? huge. And despite that fact, you run into people you know all the freaking time. I was just out at dinner w/ a bunch of compatriots at Bandera (v. good but it ain't no Houstons even though it does its best, sorry!) and we ran into three friends all out in different groups. That's weird. It might happen in mosquitoville, Mississippi and you'd get that but here it just doesn't add up. And yet it happens.
Also: you will NEVER leave your house and drive more than 2 blocks without seeing at least once Range or Land Rover. And it will be black. It's like THE car. They are everywhere.
What else. You will never go anywhere public without seeing someone who looks so utterly ridiculous that makes you shake your head over how ridiculous they are. I can't really describe what the ridiculousness will be b/c it can take so many forms. But it's there.
Some other small tidbits: there will be traffic on the 405. 8am Saturday? Check. 3am Wednesday? Check. 2pm Thursday? Check. Sucks. There is not room for more than one "hot" club at a time. If it's Le Deux, it's Le Deux. I mean hey, I never even go to these places, but that is what "they" say, and I always listen to "them." I think that applies to restaurants too. But then again, even if a restaurant hasn't been hot for like months or even years, if it ever at one point was THE place, the hostesses will still be super bitchy to you and will not seat you until at least 1/2 hour AFTER your RESERVATION. And that is not even at the hot places. If it's not hot I don't even KNOW what happens after that b/c I don't go to hot places anyway. So I guess that is something else you can count on.
Ok I can't think of anything else right now. I am watching The Hills Cram Session and it's rather distracting. But I do have another odd bit of knowledge for you. Did you know that different kinds of designer jeans apparently are meant for different things? i tried on some Hudson's this weekend. I like them but my shopping companion nixed them. I was then telling Aly that I liked them and she was like "no you don't need Hudsons." Why not? I guess Hudson's are for people with ample rears. Now on this point I disagreed b/c hey i DO have a very ample bottom, but she disagreed (b/c friends will never tell you that your ass is ample but anyway), but I guess I can't wear them anyway b/c then I'd think to myself, "are people like wow that girl has a big butt. I mean, look at her! she is wearing Hudsons. Those are for big butt people!" Weird. I am gonna research what other brands signify about your body at some other point in time.
Not now though. And not tomorrow either, b/c tomorrow my friends, I will be leaving for Costa Rica! Spring Break 2007 here I come. Woo-hooooo. So I won't be blogging for a while. But then when I get back I'll probably do an entry so f'in long that it will lose you 1/4 of the way through. So on that note, happy spring break to you. Safe travels if you're going anywhere and don't do too much or something like that if you are not. Best wishes and sweet dreams.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Family weddings are super fun.
Family weddings, good times. Since getting back to LA, friends have all been like, "so, how was the wedding?" And you know I have to be honest, cuz that's my stylo and whatnot. This was my first family wedding since I was like 5 or something, so all the weddings I have been to have been for friends, and thus, they are fun. As for family weddings, you tell me how this sounds. Here's a sampling of who I interacted with:
--Uncle Fritz. He's like 85. Great guy. Mostly he bitches about his bad hip, which has been bad for 10+ years as he refused to get a hip replacement. He'd much rather bitch about his hip. It's his convo piece.
--Aunt Lil: She turned 95 yesterday. She is one of my favorite relatives. She is about 4'5" but packs as much life as possible into that tiny body. I love talking to her as she is sweet as pie, but thing is, she has the memory of a dog (I hear their short term loop is like 5 minutes long and that's why they're always so happy). So, pretty much, it was like this: "How long are you home for?" Me: "I go back on Monday!" Lil: "Oh that is great! Your parents are so happy to have you in town!" ... "How long are you home for?" "I go back Monday!" "Great! Your parents love you so much!"..."How long..." You get me here? Awesome.
--Aunt Lynn: She sometimes goes by Jessie. I guess I call her Lynn. Anyway, she reintroduced herself to me. She thought I didn't remember who she was. Weird.
--Brad: Repeat of Aunt Lynn. Guys, 4 years ain't long enough for me to forget you when I've known you for 26 years.
etc. etc.
I entertained myself by requesting Billie Jean etc. etc., and "Hips Don't Lie." I dedicated the latter to "Dickie" (yes, it's STILL his favorite song) and then forced Jane onto the dance floor to dance with my tone-deaf singing, hip-swinging, finger-pointing Dad. It was awesome.
Post-reception, my two cousins and I went to a martini and cigar bar. Dick and Jane dropped us off. 5 minutes later they walked in. Jane was tipsy. Her feet hurt. She took her shoes off. Got in trouble for taking her shoes off. Put her shoes on, and then became indignant, put her nose 5 feet in the air, and sniffed about being forced to wait for a table. Eventually my dad paid off the door dude to get us a table (why that would ever be necessary in Indy I have no clue)...and then promptly took Jane home.
Here's my favorite part of the night, aside from getting late night Steak and Shake patty melt and cheese fries. My cousin Adam, ever the ladies man, goes off and hits on two women. Returns to the table and informs us that Sarah (28) and her sister (26) are coming to hang out with us. Tells us that he is now 25 (he's 23). Whatever Adam. Sarah and sister come to our table. About 5 minutes in, Sarah reveals that she is engaged to be married in a month. Good work Adam. Always check the left hand!!! 10 more minutes pass, and Adam somehow brings up politics, and we discover that Sarah and sister are v. conservative. Adam hates Conservative people. He leaves. Us. With the girls...that he picked up.
I am livid. Sarah and I have bonded by now, and we go to hunt him down. I find him hitting on several bleach blond 40-somethings. Seriously. How old are you now Adam? I put my arm around his neck and play role of angry girlfriend asking him why he left me sitting alone. The old women promptly begin trash talking me behind my back. I mumble to Adam under my breath, asking him why the hell he is hitting on these old women. "They're country. I like 'em country." I did drag him back to our table btw. So this is my cousin: he is actually ballsy enough to hit on women, bring them to our table, decide he doesn't want them after all, and then leaves his brother and cousin with those women.
I do love my family.
--Uncle Fritz. He's like 85. Great guy. Mostly he bitches about his bad hip, which has been bad for 10+ years as he refused to get a hip replacement. He'd much rather bitch about his hip. It's his convo piece.
--Aunt Lil: She turned 95 yesterday. She is one of my favorite relatives. She is about 4'5" but packs as much life as possible into that tiny body. I love talking to her as she is sweet as pie, but thing is, she has the memory of a dog (I hear their short term loop is like 5 minutes long and that's why they're always so happy). So, pretty much, it was like this: "How long are you home for?" Me: "I go back on Monday!" Lil: "Oh that is great! Your parents are so happy to have you in town!" ... "How long are you home for?" "I go back Monday!" "Great! Your parents love you so much!"..."How long..." You get me here? Awesome.
--Aunt Lynn: She sometimes goes by Jessie. I guess I call her Lynn. Anyway, she reintroduced herself to me. She thought I didn't remember who she was. Weird.
--Brad: Repeat of Aunt Lynn. Guys, 4 years ain't long enough for me to forget you when I've known you for 26 years.
etc. etc.
I entertained myself by requesting Billie Jean etc. etc., and "Hips Don't Lie." I dedicated the latter to "Dickie" (yes, it's STILL his favorite song) and then forced Jane onto the dance floor to dance with my tone-deaf singing, hip-swinging, finger-pointing Dad. It was awesome.
Post-reception, my two cousins and I went to a martini and cigar bar. Dick and Jane dropped us off. 5 minutes later they walked in. Jane was tipsy. Her feet hurt. She took her shoes off. Got in trouble for taking her shoes off. Put her shoes on, and then became indignant, put her nose 5 feet in the air, and sniffed about being forced to wait for a table. Eventually my dad paid off the door dude to get us a table (why that would ever be necessary in Indy I have no clue)...and then promptly took Jane home.
Here's my favorite part of the night, aside from getting late night Steak and Shake patty melt and cheese fries. My cousin Adam, ever the ladies man, goes off and hits on two women. Returns to the table and informs us that Sarah (28) and her sister (26) are coming to hang out with us. Tells us that he is now 25 (he's 23). Whatever Adam. Sarah and sister come to our table. About 5 minutes in, Sarah reveals that she is engaged to be married in a month. Good work Adam. Always check the left hand!!! 10 more minutes pass, and Adam somehow brings up politics, and we discover that Sarah and sister are v. conservative. Adam hates Conservative people. He leaves. Us. With the girls...that he picked up.
I am livid. Sarah and I have bonded by now, and we go to hunt him down. I find him hitting on several bleach blond 40-somethings. Seriously. How old are you now Adam? I put my arm around his neck and play role of angry girlfriend asking him why he left me sitting alone. The old women promptly begin trash talking me behind my back. I mumble to Adam under my breath, asking him why the hell he is hitting on these old women. "They're country. I like 'em country." I did drag him back to our table btw. So this is my cousin: he is actually ballsy enough to hit on women, bring them to our table, decide he doesn't want them after all, and then leaves his brother and cousin with those women.
I do love my family.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Always good to be home.
So I flew into Indy last night. Currently Dick and Jane are in the islands on the tail end of a two week vaca (and hence I don't like them as they'll be sickly tan when I pick them up tonight at the AP), so as they weren't here...they hired a "driver" to pick me up last night. I don't know what I was expecting. I supposed a taxi. Or maybe a town car. But what I got, was an old woman with bouffant hair and huge glasses in an Oldsmobile. Her name is Dolly. I went for the backseat, after all, it was midnight, 20 degrees out, and I had just completed a 5 hour flight...hence my desire to chat up strangers was minimal at best. But she was like, "Oh you can sit up front if you don't mind Duffy!" And thus I had to sit up there. With Dolly. And Duffy. Her rescue dog. Actually Duffy was quite adorable and I enjoyed his company until he passed gas and was sent to the back seat, and Dolly sure was a trip too. I enjoyed hearing about her stint living in Hollywood (she didn't detail how she ended up there...it was "rough" period of her life...) as well as her travel experiences (loved the Greek Isles, found Bangkok much too hot as she had no idea it was a jungle nation on the equator). Anyway, she was super nice.
And, I guess the point of this story is: Jane, where do you find these people?
So I went to bed at 2:30, and it's really weird going to sleep in this big empty house by yourself. I don't really like it too much. Then I woke up at like noon. My clock is a little off. I cleaned out the fridge for Jane, as she had more blocks of unopened exotic cheeses that should have left the fridge in oh, say, December '06 than I could count. I then hit up Starbucks where the barista told me to "Enjoy the lovely weather!" to which I smiled and nodded but couldn't help shake my head at the irony considering that i come from a land of endless 70 degree sunshine and here is this one day of 55 degree quasi-sun and it's clearly heralded as spring's exultant entrance.
A couple more IN observations. I got my nails did for tomorrow's bridal affair, and couldn't help but notice that every nail salon in Indy is extremely, ridiculously big. That is what happens when you're in a city that currently touts the most reasonable real estate prices in the country. The nail places can seat at least 85 people. For the record, even here in the Midwest they are still run by the Thai. Or Vietnamese. They have a lock on the industry guys.
Observation #2: people drive painfully slow here. The speed limit is 40: we go 35. Speed limit on the interstate is 60...we go 60. Even in the absence of what I'd refer to as "traffic." I think one driver of this phenomenon is the fact that there all these vehicles driving chickens or wood or something on the main roads that can't actually physically drive the speed limit. Or maybe I just drive too fast. After all some dude on the plane yday made fun of me for being in a hurry to get to my seat. That was annoying.
Anyway, Jack B is rolling around the floor making noises. I think he wants to play, so I must jet. For the record, he is now a dog, no longer a puppy. You are welcome to sing that to the tune of BSpear's "Not yet a girl..." or something. He got delivered by the kennel today and he's all bathed and clean and fluffy. He is white as snow (although every time he goes outdoors I have to wipe his paws...cuz he's playing in the snow...which is dirty now...cuz there is still SNOW on the ground...), and he is wearing a most stylish St. Patty's day clover-dec'ed hanky round his neck. What, of course he's fashionable, he's related to me. And he growls like a big boy now when we play tug with common household items like towels...the ones I wipe his paws with... Anyway, so I'm out. The end.
And, I guess the point of this story is: Jane, where do you find these people?
So I went to bed at 2:30, and it's really weird going to sleep in this big empty house by yourself. I don't really like it too much. Then I woke up at like noon. My clock is a little off. I cleaned out the fridge for Jane, as she had more blocks of unopened exotic cheeses that should have left the fridge in oh, say, December '06 than I could count. I then hit up Starbucks where the barista told me to "Enjoy the lovely weather!" to which I smiled and nodded but couldn't help shake my head at the irony considering that i come from a land of endless 70 degree sunshine and here is this one day of 55 degree quasi-sun and it's clearly heralded as spring's exultant entrance.
A couple more IN observations. I got my nails did for tomorrow's bridal affair, and couldn't help but notice that every nail salon in Indy is extremely, ridiculously big. That is what happens when you're in a city that currently touts the most reasonable real estate prices in the country. The nail places can seat at least 85 people. For the record, even here in the Midwest they are still run by the Thai. Or Vietnamese. They have a lock on the industry guys.
Observation #2: people drive painfully slow here. The speed limit is 40: we go 35. Speed limit on the interstate is 60...we go 60. Even in the absence of what I'd refer to as "traffic." I think one driver of this phenomenon is the fact that there all these vehicles driving chickens or wood or something on the main roads that can't actually physically drive the speed limit. Or maybe I just drive too fast. After all some dude on the plane yday made fun of me for being in a hurry to get to my seat. That was annoying.
Anyway, Jack B is rolling around the floor making noises. I think he wants to play, so I must jet. For the record, he is now a dog, no longer a puppy. You are welcome to sing that to the tune of BSpear's "Not yet a girl..." or something. He got delivered by the kennel today and he's all bathed and clean and fluffy. He is white as snow (although every time he goes outdoors I have to wipe his paws...cuz he's playing in the snow...which is dirty now...cuz there is still SNOW on the ground...), and he is wearing a most stylish St. Patty's day clover-dec'ed hanky round his neck. What, of course he's fashionable, he's related to me. And he growls like a big boy now when we play tug with common household items like towels...the ones I wipe his paws with... Anyway, so I'm out. The end.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Dontcha Wish Your Daughter Wore No Clothes Like Me...
So I completely hit up the Christina Aguillera concert last night. Opening acts included Danity Kane (PDiddy's chicks, known for such supa-fly hits as "Showstoppers" where they rap about doing things girls don't do in their rainbow colored Cadillac) and the Pussycat Dolls, who I affectionately refer to as PCDs b/c that's just the kind of terms I'm on with them. We unfortunately missed DK as we were busy doing sake bombs and eating one more sushi roll, but I guess I'll live.
So we got there right when PCDs came on. My concert date was very confused by their performance on the whole - they did not actually have any people playing any sort of instrument on stage. So clearly they are truly great artists. As for their outfits, they pretty much consisted of stretchy little strips of cloth emblazoned with PCDs in rhinestones strategically placed to cover their hoo-has and ta-tas. They certainly are (wow must interrupt, American Idol is on and a) this girl sux big time and b) why the f would you choose a NEW song by Evanescence...or anything by Evanescence anyway...didn't Amy's first album satiate our need for slit your wrist music?) entertaining though and hey when they asked where all their pussycats were I did put my hands up.
But I was slightly disturbed cuz we looked around the audience and ventured to guess that the avg age was somewhere around 30: that's cuz you were mostly either 12 or 47...or you were a lawyer who's boss had given him free tix to the Xtina concert who couldn't think of anyone else that actually wanted to go to the concert (SN: kidding! as for me...not kidding, I mean come on, I am 'teen, why hide my love of all things young and frivolous). So back to my point though - all these little girls and their parents, and on stage are these mostly naked chicks mimicking sex with chairs, singing "Dontcha wish your girl was a freak like me" - what are you thinking?? Are you like, "Sure am glad I brought Susie to see these PCDs - they really teach the value of sexual freedom!" Personally Dick and Jane would've totally been covering my eyes.
As for XTina, btw, she was incredible. Seriously. Her outfits were classy, in a I like to wear underwear, leotards, and heels kind of way, her dance moves were stellar, and the video interludes such as her naked in a tin tub with her legs spread apart kept with the chaste and modest theme of the evening. That woman can sing though. I kind of want to download her most recent album....I am def more of a fan than I was before. Only sad that she didn't play Genie in a Bottle. That was one classic hit. Did I ever mention I dated a guy briefly in high school that really liked that song? He did. He liked it more than me. His name is Peter. Guess what Peter is now: gay. "Dontcha" think I shoulda caught that one?
So, I went to Staples twice in the course of one week. I think I could be on overload at this point so it's good that I'm heading to Indy tomorrow for my cousin's wedding. I'm excited. Personally what I'm looking forward to the most is having all my relatives ask me when I'll be getting married cuz I'm technically "next" or maybe telling me to get married before they die or something great like that. Yep, that should be good times, definitely.
So we got there right when PCDs came on. My concert date was very confused by their performance on the whole - they did not actually have any people playing any sort of instrument on stage. So clearly they are truly great artists. As for their outfits, they pretty much consisted of stretchy little strips of cloth emblazoned with PCDs in rhinestones strategically placed to cover their hoo-has and ta-tas. They certainly are (wow must interrupt, American Idol is on and a) this girl sux big time and b) why the f would you choose a NEW song by Evanescence...or anything by Evanescence anyway...didn't Amy's first album satiate our need for slit your wrist music?) entertaining though and hey when they asked where all their pussycats were I did put my hands up.
But I was slightly disturbed cuz we looked around the audience and ventured to guess that the avg age was somewhere around 30: that's cuz you were mostly either 12 or 47...or you were a lawyer who's boss had given him free tix to the Xtina concert who couldn't think of anyone else that actually wanted to go to the concert (SN: kidding! as for me...not kidding, I mean come on, I am 'teen, why hide my love of all things young and frivolous). So back to my point though - all these little girls and their parents, and on stage are these mostly naked chicks mimicking sex with chairs, singing "Dontcha wish your girl was a freak like me" - what are you thinking?? Are you like, "Sure am glad I brought Susie to see these PCDs - they really teach the value of sexual freedom!" Personally Dick and Jane would've totally been covering my eyes.
As for XTina, btw, she was incredible. Seriously. Her outfits were classy, in a I like to wear underwear, leotards, and heels kind of way, her dance moves were stellar, and the video interludes such as her naked in a tin tub with her legs spread apart kept with the chaste and modest theme of the evening. That woman can sing though. I kind of want to download her most recent album....I am def more of a fan than I was before. Only sad that she didn't play Genie in a Bottle. That was one classic hit. Did I ever mention I dated a guy briefly in high school that really liked that song? He did. He liked it more than me. His name is Peter. Guess what Peter is now: gay. "Dontcha" think I shoulda caught that one?
So, I went to Staples twice in the course of one week. I think I could be on overload at this point so it's good that I'm heading to Indy tomorrow for my cousin's wedding. I'm excited. Personally what I'm looking forward to the most is having all my relatives ask me when I'll be getting married cuz I'm technically "next" or maybe telling me to get married before they die or something great like that. Yep, that should be good times, definitely.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Fantastic Email String
Original Email
> Quoting TW:
>
> > Hi, please find attached the latest Anderson Afternoon schedule. If you know of any companies who would like to sponsor an afternoon (maybe AMR or GAP-related?) , please don't hesitate to contact me. We've only got a few open slots remaining for the year. Thanks!
> >
> > TW
> > MBA Class of 2007
My Reply to All [or, my response to a completely different individual and email that somehow ended up as a response to all]
> -----Original Message-----
> From: femba-bounces [mailto:femba-bouncesOn Behalf Of Lindypants
> Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2007 10:19 PM
> To: TW
> Cc: phd; femba; mba
> Subject: Re: Anderson Afternoon Schedule
>
> yeah, see the tension of choice b/t food and sex is a hard one. personally i think there are many times that i pick good food...
Response #1 (of approximately 15)
Quoting GB:
> Dude, how embarrassed are you that you probably accidentally hit "reply all" to this email and sent it out to the entire Anderson program! Hahaha... No worries, I'm sure everyone will think it is funny....funny thing is you are my year, but I don't think I've met you! Hahaha!
My General Response to Being a Total Jackass
>George - don't know you either, but I am SO sorry. It wasn't even meant for TW either. I don't know how it got sent actually. I'm so sorry!!!!
GB Writes Again:
>Hahaaha! Completely not a problem...I was laughing when I saw it actually! I felt bad...I was like "oh my gosh, she probably doesn't even realize what just happened" I just forwarded it to give you a hard time and give you a little smile! [thanks shit head] Hiliarious...we'll at least we all know that you like food more than sex! Hahahaha! ;) kidding... [right, thanks] Have a good day, and I'll have to meet you one day...probably graduation!
My thoughts
Well in all honestly I'm drunk right now. After all this wine I'm in no shape to type, at least not at the rate I appreciate. So I'll leave you with the email string I began earlier. And I think it makes me look like pretty much a huge giant idiot so I bet all things considered you are laughing. so enjoy. Laugh away. Enjoy the fact that it wasn't you. But know this: email mishaps can strike anytime, anywhere, to anyone. So watch out bitches.
> Quoting TW:
>
> > Hi, please find attached the latest Anderson Afternoon schedule. If you know of any companies who would like to sponsor an afternoon (maybe AMR or GAP-related?) , please don't hesitate to contact me. We've only got a few open slots remaining for the year. Thanks!
> >
> > TW
> > MBA Class of 2007
My Reply to All [or, my response to a completely different individual and email that somehow ended up as a response to all]
> -----Original Message-----
> From: femba-bounces [mailto:femba-bouncesOn Behalf Of Lindypants
> Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2007 10:19 PM
> To: TW
> Cc: phd; femba; mba
> Subject: Re: Anderson Afternoon Schedule
>
> yeah, see the tension of choice b/t food and sex is a hard one. personally i think there are many times that i pick good food...
Response #1 (of approximately 15)
Quoting GB:
> Dude, how embarrassed are you that you probably accidentally hit "reply all" to this email and sent it out to the entire Anderson program! Hahaha... No worries, I'm sure everyone will think it is funny....funny thing is you are my year, but I don't think I've met you! Hahaha!
My General Response to Being a Total Jackass
>George - don't know you either, but I am SO sorry. It wasn't even meant for TW either. I don't know how it got sent actually. I'm so sorry!!!!
GB Writes Again:
>Hahaaha! Completely not a problem...I was laughing when I saw it actually! I felt bad...I was like "oh my gosh, she probably doesn't even realize what just happened" I just forwarded it to give you a hard time and give you a little smile! [thanks shit head] Hiliarious...we'll at least we all know that you like food more than sex! Hahahaha! ;) kidding... [right, thanks] Have a good day, and I'll have to meet you one day...probably graduation!
My thoughts
Well in all honestly I'm drunk right now. After all this wine I'm in no shape to type, at least not at the rate I appreciate. So I'll leave you with the email string I began earlier. And I think it makes me look like pretty much a huge giant idiot so I bet all things considered you are laughing. so enjoy. Laugh away. Enjoy the fact that it wasn't you. But know this: email mishaps can strike anytime, anywhere, to anyone. So watch out bitches.
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