Family weddings are super fun.

Family weddings, good times. Since getting back to LA, friends have all been like, "so, how was the wedding?" And you know I have to be honest, cuz that's my stylo and whatnot. This was my first family wedding since I was like 5 or something, so all the weddings I have been to have been for friends, and thus, they are fun. As for family weddings, you tell me how this sounds. Here's a sampling of who I interacted with:

--Uncle Fritz. He's like 85. Great guy. Mostly he bitches about his bad hip, which has been bad for 10+ years as he refused to get a hip replacement. He'd much rather bitch about his hip. It's his convo piece.
--Aunt Lil: She turned 95 yesterday. She is one of my favorite relatives. She is about 4'5" but packs as much life as possible into that tiny body. I love talking to her as she is sweet as pie, but thing is, she has the memory of a dog (I hear their short term loop is like 5 minutes long and that's why they're always so happy). So, pretty much, it was like this: "How long are you home for?" Me: "I go back on Monday!" Lil: "Oh that is great! Your parents are so happy to have you in town!" ... "How long are you home for?" "I go back Monday!" "Great! Your parents love you so much!"..."How long..." You get me here? Awesome.
--Aunt Lynn: She sometimes goes by Jessie. I guess I call her Lynn. Anyway, she reintroduced herself to me. She thought I didn't remember who she was. Weird.
--Brad: Repeat of Aunt Lynn. Guys, 4 years ain't long enough for me to forget you when I've known you for 26 years.
etc. etc.

I entertained myself by requesting Billie Jean etc. etc., and "Hips Don't Lie." I dedicated the latter to "Dickie" (yes, it's STILL his favorite song) and then forced Jane onto the dance floor to dance with my tone-deaf singing, hip-swinging, finger-pointing Dad. It was awesome.

Post-reception, my two cousins and I went to a martini and cigar bar. Dick and Jane dropped us off. 5 minutes later they walked in. Jane was tipsy. Her feet hurt. She took her shoes off. Got in trouble for taking her shoes off. Put her shoes on, and then became indignant, put her nose 5 feet in the air, and sniffed about being forced to wait for a table. Eventually my dad paid off the door dude to get us a table (why that would ever be necessary in Indy I have no clue)...and then promptly took Jane home.

Here's my favorite part of the night, aside from getting late night Steak and Shake patty melt and cheese fries. My cousin Adam, ever the ladies man, goes off and hits on two women. Returns to the table and informs us that Sarah (28) and her sister (26) are coming to hang out with us. Tells us that he is now 25 (he's 23). Whatever Adam. Sarah and sister come to our table. About 5 minutes in, Sarah reveals that she is engaged to be married in a month. Good work Adam. Always check the left hand!!! 10 more minutes pass, and Adam somehow brings up politics, and we discover that Sarah and sister are v. conservative. Adam hates Conservative people. He leaves. Us. With the girls...that he picked up.

I am livid. Sarah and I have bonded by now, and we go to hunt him down. I find him hitting on several bleach blond 40-somethings. Seriously. How old are you now Adam? I put my arm around his neck and play role of angry girlfriend asking him why he left me sitting alone. The old women promptly begin trash talking me behind my back. I mumble to Adam under my breath, asking him why the hell he is hitting on these old women. "They're country. I like 'em country." I did drag him back to our table btw. So this is my cousin: he is actually ballsy enough to hit on women, bring them to our table, decide he doesn't want them after all, and then leaves his brother and cousin with those women.

I do love my family.