Little Mucus Monsters

I have yet another miserable piece of shit cold. Since moving to LA, I think I average like one brutal cold every 1.5-2 months, and to me, that seems like a really high level of frequency, don’t you agree? I feel like the mucus monster on the Mucinex commercials moved into my lungs and then invited his family of 19 from Brooklyn to come stay with him for a couple weeks. And like 2 days into the party, they were like, oh, let’s call our folks from Jersey and see if they want to chill too. So then they called up their family in the Garden State and invited them to rent out the flat about them, otherwise known as my sinuses. Bunch of jerks. And, I’m taking Mucinex, for the record, and it hasn’t kicked them out asap like it does in the commercials. Advertising. So misleading. Kind of like steel-cut oats.

So aside from Mucinex, I’m taking about 13 other drugs. When I get sick, and by sick I mean get a bad cold, my bathroom starts to look like the bathroom of someone who’s dying. Or maybe, like Anna Nicole’s bathroom pre-OD. Or perhaps LLohan’s. Either way. It’s a mess. I have about 3 kinds of cough drops, several nasal decongestants, a couple chest decongestants, a few allergy medications, some cough syrups, various ointments and rubs like Vicks and Vaseline to free up my breathing and soothe my poor, chaffed nosed, and a giant box of Depends. All of that is true save for the Depends.

I wonder if all these drugs are actually doing any good though. I think when I take them at night, the sheer amount of chemicals I’m ingesting sends me into a sleep so deep that I really don’t know if I’m making anything better or not. Could be worse for all I know. And then I question my feeling slightly better during the day and how it relates to the drugs v. how it relates to just being up and getting stuff moving around inside my breathing passages. Can’t ever really be sure.

Anyway, no one cares about my stupid cold or all the drugs I’m taking, that’s my likely guess. But since I have a corporate valuation midterm tomorrow and my motivation to study is like null and void since I don’t ever study really anymore and I rather prefer to keep it that way, I thought I’d write about it anyway b/c there is no one here to stop me, only me stopping myself from working by wasting time writing about my…cold. But I think I’ve run out of things to say about it so I guess this means unless I switch topics all together I’m done. And since I’m too lazy to even think of another topic, I truly am done. I hope you don’t catch what I have, it’s brutal. And I’ve only got Brooklyn and Jersey; I bet the Bronx or maybe Harlem or perhaps Boston muc-i are even worse! On that note, au revoir. I think I need to go re-medicate.