Somewhere in LA...

…There is a crazy homeless dude, wearing a wet suit that is too short in the legs and generally too small, and he’s pretending to surf the dirt pavement that covers our city. Or, maybe, he’s wearing the wetsuit and sleeping on the surfboard. Maybe he’s humping the board. Who the f cares. It doesn’t really matter what the f he’s doing in the suit or with the board, b/c the important thing is that the board is MINE and the suit is MINE. Little shit.

So, story is, I’m dumb. I moved my board and suit down to my parking garage (which is covered but ungated) and stuck it in front of my vehicle where it’s pretty much hidden. And the only people in our alley are like, homeless people searching for cans, and what would they ever want with a surfboard? I mean, you can’t turn it into the recycling center for change you know?

May is my month to park in the spot (Veeve and I switch off) so I went out to park today, and my board, is gone. I screamed f*** like 98 times really super loud. I mean, when Dorothy wanted to get back to Kansas she just kept saying “there’s no place like home” and it worked. So I guess I figured “f***, f***, f***…” would maybe bring back my surfboard? Not so much.

Funny thing, the board was gone, the wetsuit was gone, yeah, but there was a tv sitting there in their place. Do you think that maybe the thief was actually trying to arrange some sort of barter deal? Like, ok, I’ll take the board, and the wetsuit…but she won’t care! I’ll leave her this tv…that I also stole…and everything will be cool…

I’m thinking maybe so. But I would’ve preferred that they warn me before doing so b/c this barter deal doesn’t really work for me considering that I don’t have any need for a tv. Barter deals usually are like a two-party arrangement you know? No one told this schizo dude who’s surfing the streets of SanMon on my board. I’m pissed. Did I mention that? Can you tell? I’m so pissed.

But I contemplated doing something about it. And I thought about calling the police, but then I wondered how I’d sound if I was like, “so, my surfboard and wetsuit got stolen.” “where was it? Oh, well, it was sitting in my garage.” “gated? No, not really, it’s just open on the ally.” I basically could’ve stored my board out in the middle of the street. So I guess I have nearly given up on the sport anyway and that I’m moving up north where it’s super f’in cold and the waves are super f’in big, I guess the need is kinda dwindling anyway. But it still sux a lot.

Anyway. Again. That sucked. But, if you do happen to be out in LA, and you see some dude dressed to surf and it look slightly suspect, please give a shout.