Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

This was one of my fav books when I was little. It’s about Alexander (surprise) and this really bad day he has. He gets gum in his hair, and I think his mom forgets to put dessert in his lunch or something. Stuff that is really bad, when you’re like 8 or something. I think I had my own version of a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day yesterday.

Started around 1 when I got a total bitch of a stomach ache. I thought maybe I had eaten bad meat in my salad. My tummy was in knots. But I didn’t want to ask to go home cuz it was my first week of work right?? That’s trivial, ok, but around 4:30, while printing out a document, my MS Word program decided to crash, and I lost my entire day of work. Sucks to lose work – sucks even more when what you were doing was doing competitive profiles for plumbing companies the whole day. So much for “autosave,” stupid piece of shit. Brett, Afty – you reading this?? Fix that shit!!! It was like I wasn’t even THERE on Friday, cuz on Monday I’m going ot have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN.

So I get in my car for a leisurely drive back up to LA. Took me 2.5 hours in traffic that moved approximately 15 mph – should’ve been going about 70. So that sucked. I was to meet friends for dinner over in Bev Hills around 8. I got home at 7:30. I shower/get ready in record time, and I’m out the door to be only 20 minutes late (hey, I let them know I’d be late). Now you see, I keep my key chain on a hook by the door. My car and house keys. You see where this is going don’t you. So my phone rings as I’m stepping out the door, distracts me, and I slam the door…w/out my keys. Didn’t even get to the phone in time anyway. Rings again a couple minutes late – check up on my progress to the restaurant, so I break the news that I’m an idiot and locked out of my house…and car…

Call the blg maintenance company, they lecture me that it’s my responsibility or something, so I hang up on them, and start calling locksmiths. It’s $79 to get a locksmith, you know that? This is about the time that I get pms-y even though I’m not pms-ing and I start to cry a bit. It’s also the time that a neighbor walks by and he probably thinks I’m something of a headcase. He’s nice though; brings over a stack of keys to see if any of them work (they don’t); tells me I’m welcome to come over and chill w/ his fam if I need to. Anyway, the locksmith comes. It takes him approximately 5 seconds to get into my house, and while he comes in to verify my credit card, it takes me over 5 minutes to get him out of my house b/c he’s very curious about some picture Veeve has on our fridge that appears to be a sculpture depicting a giant, fat baby, and Veeve and her friends are kissing the baby’s ass. Apparently it’s some famous Colombian sculptor or something.

I then get picked up to go out for a bit, so the night takes a turn for the better, but the real icing on the cake is that the next day I have a $47 parking ticket on my car cuz I had been parked slightly in the red zone (as I thought I’d be there for ½ hour and then forgot to move it…). So, hey, Alexander – really, spare me the details of your terrible, horrible, no good very bad day, b/c mine totally tops yours. No dessert in your lunch, really, did you need it anyway? And yes, I know that in the grand scheme, mine wasn’t that bad, but, I’m high-maintenance. The end.