But where is Frank?

I do love Las Vegas, this much is true, but I have never wanted to get out of a place so badly. It could’ve been the fact that yesterday morning found me setting up residence on the lobby couch of the Homewood Suites in Henderson NV eating Chinese and watching Bobby Flay before going on to have one of the most awkward afternoons in the history of my life (not bloggable sorry), it might’ve been that the desert air was starting to make my skin crack up and my face break out, it could’ve been the disgusting amounts of alcohol that were and always consumed in that city, but I’m so, so, so glad to be back in LA. Although I must say, I think I slept in a hotel bed yesterday for about 4 hours, a couch for about 5, and the backseat of Frank’s Honda for around 5 before my own bed for 10 – and I’m still f’in tired, I am.

Anyway, the trip was good, of course it was, I was there. Let me give a run down and focus on the highlights. I’ll start at the beginning, last Thursday, I’m home in IN, and around 3pm I begin puking and I keep going until around 7 and finally get in bed around 10pm to get a good night of sleep before waking up at 5am the next day to catch my flight back. This is relevant, as my day of sickness prevented me from going out post-rehearsal dinner. It didn’t keep Winnie, Kokko-monster, Frank from going out. I talked to Winnie around 11am the next day. I guess they were awake until 8am and then got a room at the Palms where they slept until around 1.

It was revealed around this time that Frank had been kicked out of the club at some point for reasons unknown, and by 3pm he was still missing. At 4:45 the wedding ceremony was over and Frank was still missing. At 5pm Winnie got on the phone to 311 which is like 911 but for non-emergencies. Eventually he tracked down Frank, also known as Inmate # 2592710. He had been picked up for “vagrancy lodging.” We still don’t really know what happened and never will, but somehow he ended up sleeping in room 411 at the Hampton Inn v. room 411 in Homewood Suites. How he got in, and how he was discovered, are both hidden deep in Frank’s hazy drunken memories never to be recovered, but around 6pm he did show up looking very dapper indeed with good stories about his crack dealer roommates and trays of gruel. We decided that jail kind of sounds like being stuck in the airport for 10 hours.

I’d also like to note that Kenny Lee (not his real name but I don’t so much know him anyway) passed out on the Homewood Suites lobby before finding his way into the hotel room of the groom’s parents and vomiting profusely, and Dingo (who I also don’t really know but I guess he ate your baby) passed out at the country club and was delivered via cop car. The night was topped off with some gambling and drinks at the Green Valley Mountain Ranch which is a massive off-strip casino somewhere in the middle of nowhere NV. This is the part of the night where I hurt myself. I was wearing the highest and skinniest pair stilettos in my wardrobe and mind you they are sandals and offer no foot support. I was half-way down a massive escalator with another chic and we were apparently not supposed to be going down and I suggested we just sprint back up. I did very, very well and nearly made it when I bit it at the top. I was rewarded with several bloody toe cuts (I was much more concerned by the blood on the sandals than the cuts) and three very nice bruises on my right leg and feet. A job well done I say.

As for NYE, I ate dinner at Applebee’s with Winnie and a bunch of Garg’s old frat brothers who I might add are exceedingly obnoxious although not really in a bad way so that really kicked things off right. It might be noted here that Sean is a dbag and ditched out to chill with his cousin who he’s clearly tight with given that he had not seen her in about 4 years, and KokkoMst left around 10am that morning with nary a word of goodbye b/c he apparently “just couldn’t take it anymore.” Frank meanwhile was with 2 college friends and his family that we eventually met up with at Mandalay Bay where we remained until 4ish. Besides me losing $100 in under 5 minutes and taking many many lemon drop shots I haven’t much to say. It was fun and I have to note here that Frank’s college friends are from a family of 4 boys that are each 1 year apart. They were born in the UK and thus all have great accents and I don’t really get it but they were all dressed up in various outfits: one in Lederhosen, one in a safari outfit, one as a circa 1987 suburban gangster, and one in a pee-wee herman costume. I see neither the link nor the point but they were highly entertaining. Of course most things are post many lemon drop shots and glasses of champagne.

So there you have it. Another wedding, some new stories, and a brand new year. And guys, early prediction: this one is gonna be a good one. Wanna know why? b/c 7 is my lucky damn number and it’s 2007, and therefore, it has to be awesome. So cheers to that. The end.