Big boobs? Nope. Pretty face? Uh-uh. It's bacon and pearls honey.

You know what’s going to be awesome? The Affiliates cruise. Way super awesome. Who loves you KK?

Anyway. Today I fell down in yoga. I didn’t fall a little, I fell a lot. Like on my hands, on my knees. It wasn’t my fault. Granted, I am the girl who ran into a trash can while stone sober on spring break. But this fall was unavoidable. For the second time in one week Rudy insisted on approaching me in half moon and “opening” me up. This means he grabs your hip and pulls your hips all stacked on top of one another as far as you can stack them. I am guessing you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about but that’s ok. Anyway then you have to transition poses and usually I do it just fine, granted I’m a little shaky but who’s not when they’re on one leg. But when someone is adjusting you they totally throw you off balance and then your equilibrium is destroyed and then you’re f’ed. And you fall. And it's not funny! But then Rudy explains how typically do fall when he spots them cuz he's over-extending you and then you smile a little and feel slightly better. Phew.

So in other news. I have a casual observation. Guess what accessory I am going to try and incorporate into my outfits as frequently as possible from this point onward: pearls. “Old-fashioned!,” you say. “Ridiculous!,” you claim. But conversation piece? I say yes.

The other night was NA Food Fest and I was pent up inside the dreary halls of school tallying scores for the biz plan comp, and nach I was all dressed up. My preferred biz casz outfit is solid black. So slimming! So sheik! And so it’s my new thing of choice. Anyway, so I rocked all black with two long strands of white pearls to set it off. it’s a very good look I recommend it. Anyway so attired as such, I hit the bars when I realized from hell I mean school. Of course I was dressed all wrong. I was like all Ms. Happy Hour but it was midnight u know?

But all night long guys commented: “Love the pearls!” “Wow, lindy, you’re so Jackie O today.” “Hey there, Connecticut.” “You look all NY.” “Nice peals. So east coast. In a good way.” Etc. etc. Those pearls got me two free Grey Goose and sodas. Thank you pearls! Oh and I must back up. Even before hitting the bars, one of the old white VC men judging the comp complimented my pearls; said his wife would just LOVE them.

Anyway, so that’s fun. Do u think that it’s the whole pearl necklace thing? I was wondering about that. Like do guys just like pearls b/c they think about you know that thing? I am hoping not b/c that is so juvenile and really just so gauche and pearls are not about gauche, guys! But hey, whatever.

I will leave you with final observation about men. If you want them to love you lots, don’t just wear pearls, wear pearls while serving them bacon. You will have them wrapped around your fingers. I had fancy (well fancy in the food at least b/c we all know that my dishes don’t match, my crystal is for shit, and I have no dining room table) grown up dinner party #2 last night (and hello of course it went swimmingly), and the hors d’ouvres, a special recipe a la Jane, involved bacon, and for the rest of the night all I heard about was how everything would’ve been better had it contained bacon as well. I think had I served my strawberry shortcakes w/ bacon they would’ve been happily consumed. And that is like eating a blueberry bagel with sun-dried tomato cream cheese. Gross. Who does that?