It's Official.

It's officially cold in LA. I guess winter has arrived. I think it might be about 50 degrees. Hold on. Let me check. Ok I checked. Weather.com says it's 56 degrees here in San Mon, but I think it's about 50 inside my apt. where I sit writing a biz plan critique. It's so cold in here that I'm wearing socks and I NEVER wear socks. And it's so cold that my fingers can barely type. I know, I'm typing, but I swear, it's hard work.

This is me: I remember when in 7th grade, it got so cold one week in Indy that all the fuel in the diesel buses froze and we got the whole week off. There was no snow - it was just so f'in cold that we could not go to school. I think it was like 20 below zero or something.

And I survived.

And now here I sit, it's 56, and I'm like, "shit! it's f'in winter! I'm going to die!!"

I think I need to go make some soup. My teeth are chattering! Just thought I'd share.

Eggnog. Just, not so much nog.

Something happened last week that I meant to write about. It was a first-time experience for me, so I think it’s most necessary to record somewhere that it can be read about for years to come. So it’s Wed night, and I’m outside The Other Room in Venice, standing by the bouncer to get in. And then I hear this sound, like something is whizzing past my ear, and then it sounds like glass shattering or something, and I’m all confused.

It was an egg. An f’ing egg. Are you serious? Who the f eggs people? That is the most retarded, ridiculous, retarded, ridiculous, etc. etc. thing ever. I think that past the age of like 15 that is fully unacceptable. It was this low-riding yellow Honda thing. I don’t know. They were going so fast it was hard to tell. I guess they were aiming at the bouncer. B/c they were 15 and pissed cuz their fakes sucked and they couldn’t get in. Little bitches. So anyway, it got all in my hair which is nasty and all over the back of my jacket which was my favorite jacket. At least currently it’s my favorite. I’m sorry. I still just can’t believe I got egged.

Let’s end by transitioning onto a lighter topic. Of course I went shopping while home. That is all I’m good for when I’m home anyway, eating and shopping. So we’re at Saks and we’re in the young men’s dept cuz Greggy is trying on clothes, and Dick decides to try on some Seven jeans, which in itself is funny enough, and he did end up buying a pair, which is also very, very funny. But, funnier is the fact that he tried them on, and then came out and did this little model strut thing for like 5 feet through the dept. It was kind of heinously embarrassing I guess b/c here is my little dad making these ridiculous gestures and faces but it was unbelievably funny. So while I wanted to cringe, all I could do was giggle like the school girl that I am.

There I go. I’m laughing again. It was that funny. That really happened. You are laughing too, I know you are, I can sense it. It could only be better if you knew Dick b/c that’s really necessary for the visual. Ok, I’m out. Night!

Giant Gourds Abound

It’s sunny, it’s 60 degrees, and it’s Indiana at the end of November. That is awesome. Additionally, I got on an earlier flight last night, I had ten hours of sleep, and I just had a bacon omelet. And once I’m done drinking my coffee, I am taking Mista out for a walk. And then I apparently have to go demonstrate my football prowess as Dick has signed us up to play in the “Turkey Bowl” which is the football game that is apparently occurring today in our neighbors’ back yard. Guess the only issue there is that I have no football prowess. So aside from that minor issue, life is good, life is very good.

And it’s good to be home. Always nice to be back with Dick and Jane. And Jack (who is now about 50 lbs and no longer looks like a puppy, but he still thinks he’s about 30 lbs and climbs all over you, but luckily he’s the apple of my eye so I don’t really care). It takes usually less than a ½ hour at home to relearn that they are pretty kind weird and hence how I turned out the way I did.

Dick last night informed us that he was unable to find and download the UCLA fight song. Mind you he has the Trojan fight song downloaded. Which led Greggy and I to ask why he has this song and if he actually listens to it. He does. And that’s weird. Jane meanwhile has a giant gourd on the center of the living room coffee table. It’s pretty much retarded looking. I told her it’s weird. She said: “I don’t care. I like it. And anyway, I’m weird.” No denial here, that’s refreshing.

She then informed us that she plans to take holiday pictures of each of holding various props. Greggy will be holding an airplane in honor of his future Top-Gun-ness; Dick will be holding Jack as he’s the newest addition to the fam; Jane will be holding a crutch (she recently f’ed up her knee, kinda sad but a little funny); and I apparently will be holding a bottle of Clorox bleach in honor of the job. Coming soon to a mailbox near you. I’m envisioning facial expressions of the recipients right now, and they are…yes…here comes the w word…weird.

Oh, and Dick told a really bad joke this morning about shopping for husbands and wives (I’ll spare you the details). He announced before telling it that he hoped he didn’t mess up the punch line. That’s so me!

Well kids, coffee is done. I’m off to walk the pup. Hasta la vista and very merry Turkey Day to you all. Remember, Turkey in the Pan, Turkey in the Pan. Eat much! The end.

Turkey in the Pan...

Thanksgiving is almost here!!! Who's excited?? Me! Me! I am!! I love this holiday. All you have to do is eat. And then sleep. And then eat again. And then go to bed at like 9pm. How can you not like that? For the record, in elementary song we used to sing this song: "Turkey in the pan, pumpkin pie, turkey in the pan, hidee-hi...blah blah blah" The relevant part here is turkey in the pan, pumpkin pie, which my dear friend Bethy and I pretty much sing to one another year round, but specially at TGiving time when it's for real. Her hubby Keith has apparently caught the hang of our ditty and sings it too. So it's good stuff. So sometime if you're around ask me for the tune and I'll fill you in. That will never happen.

Moving on.

So, now that it's hitting me that I'm very possibly relocating to SF in the summer/fall, I am starting to realize how much/why I love LA. I think most of it is b/c it's so f'in weird. The people are all such personalities. Like you can't live here and be vanilla. Unless you're a b-school student. Then you can be totally vanilla maybe. But hey: we are super premium dark chocolate raspberry ribbon compared to your typical b-school. But anyway. I totally soaked this whole fact in the other day.

I was sitting at SBucks at Sunset and Barrington, reading my biz law text, drinking my fav bev of the holiday season, a gingerbread latte (2% milk, 2 pumps of syrup, whipped cream: yes please!!!) on Monday morning. And seriously, everyone is silly. Except me, of course. In line w/ me I have this guy who wears his sunglasses inside. And they are huge and have big green frames. And I see him every time I go there.

And sitting by me I have these two French guys. Unsure if they were lovers or whatnot. They are chain-smoking and oui-oui-oui-ing. And they have this dog. It's a lab/beagle mix. And at one point one of them leaves. And upon his return the other one gets all princessy and is like, "You can't just leave me with the dog you know!!" Even though he had to do shit w/ the dog. There was this chick wearing a juicy suit who kept running past my table, too. She was awesome. She was super loud. And she knew EVERYONE at SBucks. And when she passed the lab/beagle she'd be like, "You! You're a biter!" But the dog was totally NOT a biter.

And then there were two women carrying Barney's bags who both had dogs who stopped for a while to chill w/ the lab/beagle. And they had like a 10 minute conversation w/ the dog, including: "I'll be back in 20 minutes! We'll be right back to see you again!" I'm sure the Frenchies were thrilled.

And there was a biz-man who ran past two ladies and he knew them. Everyone knew everyone at this SBs, and clearly, none of them actually do anything for a living, so far as I can tell. It's like a whole town of crazies who are loaded and occupation-less.

Which is why in the end, I guess I have to move. B/c I may be crazy, but I have a job, I actually work. I'll never really fit in. Hmm. I think LA is the only place in America like that. What a weird place. Anyway, peace out. Turkey in the pan to you. Gobble gobble!

I Got a Job...and Other Weird Stuff

I just went to Bagel Nosh to get a sandwich. I asked for a toasted everything bagel and then was like, "Hold on, hold on" cuz it was taking me a moment to determine what I wanted or how to say it or something like that. But, while lost deep in bagel thought, the little guy behind the counter was like "You want turkey salad." And that was what I wanted. B/c I have ordered it before. But that was once or twice and the last time I ordered it was about 3 months ago. And the last time I was even at Bagel Nosh was well over a month ago. Is that weird? I say yes.

Also weird: was driving West on Sunset yesterday, stuck in traffic, of course, and was chatting on the phone. So I turn my head and this guy stuck in the traffic heading East (so it was impossible that I had cut him off or anything like that) looks at me really nastily and starts mimicking someone talking on a cell. And then he's giving me thumbs down and making these really rude, mean faces, and then he starts flicking me off. Really, this truly happened. I did absolutely nothing to this guy, and he was being a total ass. What the f.

Continuing with the weird theme: at dinner last night (Katsuya, amazing) we checked in and then waited nearly an hour for our table. We were going to check on it. My friends noted that when we checked in they actually wrote down a description of our party and it apparently said: "denim jacket and leggings." They wrote my outfit in to describe our party. Weird. Oh btw, they didn't really get the sake bomb concept so much there. So we just continually poured shots of sake into our glasses of beer (the sake cups weren't shot glasses so wouldn’t' fit into the glasses).

Why, you ask, were you drinking sake bombs? Because I was celebrating bitches. I got an f'ing job. can you believe that? I can't. I'm still in a bit of shock. Not only a job, a good job!! But, it's in San Fran. Don't know how I feel about that. It's really very cold and foggy up there. It's a big decision. But I have until end of Jan to decide. Anyway, weird!!! So, anyway, I need to go and keep working on the business plan that has thus far consumed all daylight hours in my weekend. It's kind of making me want to puke. But I won't, don't worry ok? The end.

DC: Not a Victim of the Rash of Violent Crime!

It’s been a while, no? Did you miss me? No? I bet you didn’t even realize I was gone. But I was!!!

I ventured back to DC last weekend. Everyone asks why. But really it was for no other reason than to go say hi. Do you know what? Traveling from LA to DC takes about 4 hours (tail winds) and traveling back takes nearly 6 (head winds). This means that I traveled about 10 hours to go say “hi.” DC friends: shit, I really must like you a lot. And my apologies for perhaps seeming like I was going to fall asleep in my porridge (I didn’t really eat porridge but I feel like if u were going to fall asleep in something it’d be porridge, so there you go) at times. But shit, 10 hours.

For the record, since I always like to post my airplane travel drama up here, no worries, this trip didn’t go by w/out some. On the way there: good drama!! Marched up to a boarding flight and hopped onto a direct flight (was supposed to connect through Chi town at 4am…a good idea…). Way back: bad drama. Flight was delayed over 2 hours. Was NOT happy.

Anyway, whatever. Can I say I did something over the weekend I’ve always wanted to do? Whenever I’m meeting someone and they find out I live in LA (and they don’t), and they’re like “what do you do?” I always want to fake them out and say I’m in “the industry.” So I was out to dinner w/ Mare and several of her friends in CVille, and they’re like, “So, Lindy, what do you do in LA?” I leaned forward a little dramatically and gave a nice pregnant pause and was like, “I’m an actress!” I gave them enough time to get a nice round of “reallys?” / “wows” and then was like “No! No. Ha. I’m in business school.” I think that’s a nice contrast. Truth be told, I actually have a whole other part prepped, about how I’m bartending at nights and on weekends, but I’ve scored some small bit parts, like extras spots in the OC and whatnot… Hey dude, I have to think of something when I’m swimming laps… Anyway, it was fun. Will have to do the full version sometime.

Anyway, here is the thing. I kind forgot how those southern boyz are the biggest group of clones ever. Seriously, EVER. Here’s the uniform: long shaggy hair. Baseball cap (distressed). Polo brand polo shirt (only in pink, light blue, light yellow, or light green). Or, alternatively, if it’s chilly, a striped Polo button down. Pants/shorts: can be khaki or perhaps madras. Or maybe embroidered animals. Or something equally UGGly. Belt: one of those QB whale-embroidered things. Shoes: Rainbow flops. It’s a very tight distribution if you plot it, and I don’t think it’s a normal distribution b/c I’m sure that more than 68% of the sample falls within 1 standard deviation of the mean. Stu: these boyz are all yours. I’m over them.

What else did I learn. I learned that my friends think I have an unnatural obsession for Jaleo Restaurant down by the MCI Center. Crazy thing is…I think they might be right… I don’t really care either way. I love my tapas, and I love them lots, and I love them particularly at Jaleo, washed down by copious amounts of white sangria (essentially Cava, strawberries, mint, and Liquor 43 – Fram: is that what it’s called???).

I want to also say that after hitting up my fav bar, Local 16, which is more crowded every time I visit it, I could not resist Pizza Mart. But I was in U Street, NOT Adams Morgan, and there was a Pizza Boli, not a Mart or Napoli, and they did NOT have single slices, only individual pizzas, and this massive massive man tried to pick me up for a one night stand. So I ate it anyway. And then I felt sick.

Anyway, it was 45 degrees and rainy on Sunday. It was a great reminder of why I moved to LA. But, DC friends: wish I could take you with me. Thanks for humoring my hankerings and welcoming me back to my little political hotbed. Bill: you get the award for most grown up. I’m very proud of you. The action figures have left the building!!! On that note, I’m closing up shop. The end.

You Must Really Smell Pretty Bad

Tonight, I went on a "food safari," and it was awesome. I will spare you a blatant advertisement for a business idea conceived by several friends, but if you live here or are coming in town to visit moi, then you just ask about this thing and I'll 'splain. Anyway, all you need to know right now is that I ventured over to Korea town/USCVille/Crenshaw Blvd (doesn't that sound all ominous, thank you rap artists?) this evening. I departed my humble abode at 6:30. Want to know what time I arrived? 8pm. PS: was supposed to arrive at 7...oopsies... Yes, I traveled 22 miles in 1.5 hours. Interstate driving. You know what that is?? A whole lot of suck. I made several phone calls. Frou, you got lucky b/c I was over the frustration by the time I talked to you. Leslyn...not so much lucky, more unlucky, I'm sure it wasn't pleasant.

Anyway, the eats were good. Can I share something disturbing though: when I picked up my car from the valet, it smelled like BO. How bad does one have to smell to ensure that he leaves his scent behind after sitting in a vehicle for maybe one minute? I dunno, perhaps he was totally chilling in the Accord...But no, I think that is unlikely and he just really, really smelled.

I also want to take this opportunity to reveal how happy I am that I'm not a lawyer, nor a law student. Biz law: I heart you, but that is really only due to my teacher who is this silly, plucky little woman who delights me to no end with her crazy sarcastic antics. But...anyway...I just finished my reading for the night, it was all about bankruptcy (all the chapters, you know, 11, 13, 12 for the farmers and fisherman, etc. etc.) and shit, it made my eyes glaze over. That is all I have to say about that. But it's cool; the reading essentially put me to sleep, so I should be sheep counting in no time. Ta-ta.

It's Late and My Arms Hurt

First off, let it be known, I want to be out right now, but I went out for Veeve's bday and around midnight everyone was like "i'm sleepy!" and hence the evening ended. But then I came home and made a few drunk-ish dials to E coast friends and now I find myself tired anyway so maybe this being home and getting ready for bed thing is a good idea anyway.

I want to say though: you who were out w/ me tonight: thank you so much for alerting me to the fact that you can see the decorated top of my tights sticking out from my skirt (did the whole skirt/tall boots/tights things this evening). I think that decoration is made for the eyes of yours truly only, and hence, I 50% chance likely look skanky, and there are many looks I go for, but this, this is not one of them. So, you suck.

That now covered, hmm, what has this weekend held in store? As usual, not work. I have golfed and surfed though. I got to try out my wetsuit this morning up in Ventura, and you know what? That shit keeps you W-A-R-M. I like to use the cap letters/hyphen thing when I REALLY want to emphasize something, so you KNOW I was warm out there. And, if you pee in your wetsuit, it keeps you even toastier!! Not that I would ever pee in my wetsuit, b/c that is gross... But, in case you were curious, I didn't do as much surfing as I did paddling. I paddled my ass off. By the time I left I was BEAT from all that arm motion. Sheesh!!!

Oh, and re: golf, I have a story about the demon ball from hell. You see, last time I played I had this Hogan 3 ball that I decided was bad luck and I stopped using it half way through the course, but held onto it. Then I kinda eschewed the idea of a bad luck ball when I played y-day, and I used it again. But then around hole #3 I totally sliced that baby, and the Hogan went onto a whole entire other green, but I was like, f it, screw that Hogan 3, I never want to see it again. But the thing is, it kept coming back. Like a few holes later I was going up to my ball, and I found mine, and Winnie was like "Oh, right here is that Hogan 3! You want it?" And before I could deny it, he tossed it at me and I caught it b/c it was coming my way, and the Hogan 3 was back w/ me again. But then I was like, "this thing is cursed!" so I tossed it away. But then at the end of the game, Garg who was playing behind w/ his fiance (b/c we got in trouble for playing 5s and had to split 3 and 2) was like, "hey Lindy, isn't this your Hogan?" and tossed the f'in Hogan at me AGAIN. I swear that ball really is cursed and I just can't get away from him!!! What a shit ball.

Ok, then. I think that is all I have to say about that. Oh, yes though, I did have some Fritto Misto tonight. And, I will say as I have before, long live Fritto Misto. That is some fantastic eats right there. The. End.

Sexy Time!!!

So, new experience last night. Went to one of those movie screenings in Westwood. Guess what movie, gohead gohead, guess guess guess. Borat! I've long been an admirer, it's no secret that I love him and love to imitate him even more. Even though there are those that say my Borat voice sounds like my Chinese voice sounds like my French voice etc. etc. But whatever none of my concern.

Anyway, so I got this green pass thingy from my friend Mike and took my friend Roberto w/ me, and I wish I could say it was like a date or something but in fact Roberto is married, so umm, no go there. Anyway not so much a date movie anyway. So let's chat about this. I don't want to spoil anything so I won't give anything away or whatnot, I'll just give some general observations:
1) 1/2 hour of Borat: I like!! >1/2 hour of Borat: It's a-nice.......NOT!
2) There is one scene in this movie that made me gag. No joke, I almost threw up in my mouth. After you see this film, would love to hear your reactions to this scene, and I won't tell you what it is cuz I bet you can figure it out.
3) No matter how many times Borat says something like "I like a the sex" or "please share my sister" or "sexy time" or "The US and A" it is funny. Shit just never gets old.
4) Americans are kind of shit heads.

Ok, whatever, I can't go on. I was at school for 13 hours today. I think I just might start sleeping there. Oh PS: I got an internship today! That is fun.