Steel-Cut Oats??? Really??

So after staring at the leopard print underwear sticking way out above the waistband of the gross guy who smelled like onions all during yoga, I got into my car and listened to a rap song that was exclusively about lip gloss. Catchy, extended jingle for Bonnie Bell Lipsmackers? Not so much. It is honestly an entire song where a girl is singing about how her “lip gloss is poppin’.” Dead. Serious. You can check out the video for this phat and by phat I mean totally and completely reprehensible song here: http://www.kovideo.net/music/video/Lil-Mama---Lip-Gloss/831.html

So both those things were great.

Anyway.

This morning I was making b-fast and noticed a pot on the stove. Took the lid off. It was a pot full of oatmeal that had apparently been sitting there since last night. I was like “yo Veeve, do you know there has been a pot of cooked oatmeal sitting on the stove all night?” Yes, she did. You see, it was “steel-cut” oatmeal and apparently it cooks so slowly (although 20-30 minutes in my book doesn’t qualify really as that long of a time period) that they advise you to cook it overnight if you feel so inclined.

I think this is weird, the whole “steel-cut oatmeal” thing. I first heard about it while walking w/ my friend Ritu on the Promenade, as we’d agreed to be shot for some bullshit weird-ass local tv show thing on “cool people in cool places in Santa Monica.” Mind you I’m not really that cool and we were on the Promenade and hence they could not have been cool places really, so anyway, you’ll never see that show thing.

But I digress. So Ritu is talking about eating brunch at Le Pain Quotidien and saying how they have great steel-cut oatmeal. Whatever I say, oatmeal, is oatmeal. But since then, I’ve noticed it on brunch menus all over town. All over CA for that matter. And on every single one of them, they are charging like $9/bowl b/c the oats are “steel-cut.” I mean come on dude, we’re talking about oats. What does it even mean to be cut by steel? What does one normally cut oats with? Anyone? Anyone? How can you possibly justify charging $9 for a bowl of dusty oaty things that turn into a bowl of clumpy oat things when you add water?

I think it’s a big, giant, steel-cut conspiracy! Anyway, I’m done with that. Just don’t forget I warned you about this conspiracy ok?