A Whole Lot of Ugly

I don't typically devote entire entries to celebrities, mostly b/c I guess I don't usually have anything much to say on them that you can't read on blogs such as thesuperficial or mollygood which are super super amazing and are actually devoted to celebrities. No, I prefer to write about much more entertaining things, such as turning into my mom, or my parents' dog, b/c well, that is just how exciting I can be.

But, in honor of the fact that for the first time in my whole life I actually watched The Academy Awards nearly in their entirety, I think I shall today, devote an entire entry...to celebrities. Know why? Because last night they pulled out alllll the stops and put on some truly ridiculously ugly dresses. I was over at Sonny's, in the kitchen cooking up some strawberry shortcakes, and Sonny and Jen were just tearing apart the poor dresses. And I was like "hey now! surely they aren't so bad!!" How wrong I was... Let's start with what was most definitely the absolute worst look of the night: K Dunst.

Spideywoman: your bangs look like the ones I had when I was 5. They didn't look good on me then, and they don't look good on you know. Furthermore, your teeth look weird and I think it's cuz your red lipstick may be all over them, can't really tell, but they look jacked up. Continuing to the dress, first of all, collars like that have a place - and it's on oxford shirts. They aren't meant for evening gowns. Cutting edge? No. Ugly. End. Finally, you don't need to wear a feather duster. They actually have Hollywood Blvd shut down for the next two days cuz they have cleaning crews that take care of sweeping up the streets.

Gwyneth: Your dress is heinous in just about every way a dress could be heinous. The thing is, with you, I've always been flabbergasted. You never fail to pick the ugliest dresses, event after event. Case in point: does anyone remember this monstrosity???
You see, it's about playing up your best features. Gwen seems to like these things with sheer bodices that emphasize her boobies. Thing is, I don't think they are much worth emphasizing. And I can empathize - I'm a small breasted woman and I'm fine w/ that, but I don't typically make fashion choices that thrust my boobs out there and make them the highlight of my outfit. Anyway, Gwyneth - that brown dress is really ugly. Yuck. Next photo:
You: I don't know who the hell you are. But you were apparently at the Academy Awards, and I think you are wearing a wedding cake. A wedding cake from 1953 that was served up at the Holiday Inn. It didn't taste good and I wouldn't have eaten any. And I certainly wouldn't have worn it. Bad choice. You lose. Final fotog:
Anne: did you forget to take the wrapping off your dress when it arrived? No? You say that huge giant black velvet bow like the kind you wear on the back of your dress when you're dressing up for Christmas at age 8 is actually part of your look? Oh, ok then. My bad.

I'm sorry! I know it may seem to insensitive to dig in so heavily on these women, but seriously, you walk red carpets - they don't serve any purpose but for you to be photographed and videotaped. So you know you're being scrutinized. You also spend one bazillion dollars on one single gown, and with money being no object, I'd just figure that you could pull something out of your Valentino ass that looks good. Call me crazy. Ok then, I think I'm done. Picking on other people's clothing is somewhat exhausting! I'm out.