Welcome to LA, Bitches. Check Your Ponytail.

Ok so I recently was looking through a box of old stuff when I was home in IN as Jane wanted to clean out my closet, and I came across some fun old stuff, including my formal itinerary from senior year. PS: these documented, well not really b/c they were made up, our sorority formal weekend. For curious minds, my senior year formal, around 11:30pm I showed up at the VFW with Moe Poe and we simultaneously asked in “high pitched breathy voices” – “where is everyone?” The formal was not held at VFW. I don’t get it.

Anyway, this weekend was a virtual reunion. Veeve and I entertained 5 Wakies plus Erin. In a throwback to our itinerary days, we decided that we must create one from this weekend. Umm, this might not be funny to you if you weren’t there…but…this is my blog…and I can write whatever I want…. Here we go. Let’s the set the scene beginning on Thursday night. So far only Fravs and her friend Amelia are in town. We spend the evening in Manhattan Beach. We’ll begin at the key juncture.

Friday
12:10am: Time to dance. I place my clutch on the stage. Remark that I’ll be “keeping a close eye on it.”
12:20am: Because I've been keeping a close eye on it, my clutch is gone. Contents include camera, phone, keys, and full wallet with cash and 98 unneeded credit cards, etc.
12:21am: I tweak out.
12:22am: Fravel makes laps in the bushes and trash cans to locate purse. McBride and I make laps around club.
12:25am: I accuse a woman of stealing my purse. Almost get ass kicked.
12:30am: I give up hope. Stand drunk and forlorn outside shitty undergrad Manhattan Beach bar.
12:31am: McBride emerges outside holding my clutch, all contents in tact.
12:32am: I jump up and down, scream, hump McBride. All is well with world.
1:00am: We pass out in Manhattan Beach.
8:00am: Fravel wakes up and commence 8 hour hangover with first wretching session.
9:30am: Me, Fravel, McBride depart Manhattan to pick up Dixon at LAX.
9:33am: Umm, where is my car??
9:34am: They towed my car. Car is impounded in beautiful Torrance, CA and will cost $200 to reclaim.
9:35am: We collapse on street corner. Realize we’re stranded in Manhattan Beach. Realize we have no keys, no car, no ride, and will be at least 45 minutes late to pick up Dixon at LAX.
9:45am: I, after failed attempts to find friends to help out, hail cab.
9:55am: Fravel tires not to vom in shitty ass bumpy Taxi van en route to Santa Monica.
10:00am: Dixon arrives into LAX airport.
10:30am: Fravel passes out on my bed. McBride and I travel to LAX airport. Battle the 10:30am Friday traffic.
11:15am: Finally pick up Dixon, 1+ hours late.
11:30am: Arrive at impound lot. Pay $198 bill. Staff asks, “do you have your keys?” I respond affirmatively. Search purse for keys.
11:31am: I do not have car keys. I have no keys, for that matter.
11:50am: Me, McBride, and Dixon pass by LAX airport for 4th time on Friday afternoon.
12:30pm: Arrive at 848 18th street. Ring doorbell 18 times. No answer. I go around back and hollers “FRAVELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL” at top of lungs for 3 minutes before Fravel emerges from shower to let group into house.
2:00pm: Fravel, Dixon, McBride, and I arrive at restaurant in Venice Beach.
2:01pm: Fravel is still puking.
4:00pm: Jami arrives into LAX.
4:01pm: To pass time while Jami collects luggage, we take a photo shoot of the PT Cruiser in an Exxon parking lot.
4:20pm: Pick-up complete. Second visit to LAX of the day. Fifth drive by.
4:41pm: I tell friends for the third time that I “feel really bad” and will “just drive to get car at impound on my own.”
4:42pm: McBride reminds me yet again that I cannot go get her car without them driving me there.
5:15pm: PT Cruiser arrives at Impound Lot.
5:25pm: The little Honda emerges.
5:26pm: I discover parking ticket attached to windshield.
7:30pm: Me and Frou hit up 15th and Wilshire BOA ATM.
7:45pm: I pack going out purse. Discovers I left ATM card in ATM machine.
7:46pm: Fuck me.
7:47pm: RSVP for 3 Hollywood club lists. What the f is the point of these things?
7:48pm: “NO McBride, for the last time. We are not going to Old Man blah blah blah Check Your PonyTail Club in the parking lot of the 99 cent store.”
8:30pm: Time of dinner reservations at Los Feliz restaurant.
8:50pm: Time we arrive to restaurant.
8:51pm: Shit, the hostess man is really f’ing hot.
9:00pm: Wow, so is the bartender.
11:30pm: Lindy, Frou, Dix, Jami, McBride, Veeve get in line at LAX. Not the airport. The club.
11:31pm: Tickets distributed to group. $20 cover bypassed. This is relevant.

Saturday
12:00am: McBride is dismayed. “I don’t know what I expected. I guess I just thought that Lindsey Lohan would be standing line next to Paris Hilton.”
12:10am: Jami is exasperated. “Where are the f’in paparazzi??? I want to see some damn paparazzi!!!!”
12:15am: Dixon approaches club bouncer. “Excuse me sir, do you frequently hang out with famous people? Are they here tonight? If not, do you know where I might find them?”
1:30am: I request “Dontcha” by the PCD.
2:00am: Guess they are not going to play Dontcha.
10:15am: Arrive at Bread and Porridge.
10:30am: I express delight once again over the fact that we didn’t have to pay the $20 cover.
10:31am: Dixon: “What do you mean we didn’t pay cover?? I paid the cover!!!”
10:32am: Dixon feels stupid.
12:30pm: Liz and Erin arrive at our doorstep.
12:35pm: Liz calls me for the 5th time. She really has to pee.
12:45pm: We arrive to 848 18th.
1:00pm: Shopping.
3:50pm: Still shopping.
4:30pm: Happy hour and Sex and the City commences.
5:00pm: Danny calls. Swears he’s coming to dinner.
8:30pm: Dinner in Venice commences.
9:00pm: Fravel: “Now you can call Danny and assure him I’m not smoking shit.”
9:30pm: Little Brother Greggy and Little Brother Nicolas have shifted from discussing politics to discussing how to buy and sell piranhas.
9:31pm: Why am I sitting at this end of the table?
9:32pm: Other end of table overhears little brother conversations. Contemplates joining.
9:33pm: Other end of table returns to Fravel’s commentary on the current headband trend.
11:00pm: Arrive at Beechwood in Venice.

Sunday
12:00am: Me, explaining to some curious guys what it’s like to host 6 women: “It’s crazy. It’s nuts. Getting ready is a shit show. You should see our apartment. 8 pairs of shoes in one corner, and 28 pairs of underwear in another.
12:01am: Conversation stops. “Really, Lindy??? 28 pairs of underwear???”
12:30am: Commence photo taking session.
12:40am: Still taking pictures.
12:45am: Greggy: “If I see that camera take one more picture, I’m going to punch someone.”
12:55am: Fravel: “So, Greggy, do your friends all call you Greggy??”
1:15am: Commence drunk dialing session.
1:20am: I take bathroom break.
1:25am: “Jami, Cousin Adam?? Really??”
1:30am: Call to Bill. Erin grabs phone. Introduces Bill to “WHEEEEL OOOOOFFFFF FORTUNE!”
1:31am: I get phone back.
1:31.5am: “Would you like to buy a vowel?????????????” Erin, what the hell are you talking about.
1:33am: Last drunk of the night. To Danny. “Party of 12!!! Your table is now ready!!!!! Excuse me, party of 12!!! Time to be seated!!!!”
1:34am: Something that might make sense is included in voicemail.
1:34.5am: Erin steals phone again. “Excuse me sir!!! Would you like some fresh ground pepper??”
1:35am: Who invited Erin this weekend???
2:00am: Arrival at 848 18th street.
2:05am: Greggy: “I’m just going to crash here tonight. Don’t feel like driving back.”
2:10am: Sex and the City is on again.
2:11am: Greggy: “Umm, I think I’ll go home now.”
10:30am: Arrival at Toast.
11:45am: Third celebrity citing of the morning at Toast.
11:46am: Fravel remarks the importance of whispering around Jamie Lynn Sielger. Because if no one whispers around you, I guess you’re not really famous.
2:00pm: Squeal tires to for quick right turn off Sunset Blvd.
2:05pm: Purchase $10.75 map of the stars.
2:06pm: Veeve cringes in shame.
2:10pm: It’s Chuck Norris’ house!!!
2:15pm: It’s Brad Pitt’s house!!!! Which really looks a lot like Chuck Norris’ house!!

Let’s fast forward to the close of the weekend:

7:00pm: I depart w/ Fravel and Amelia for LAX airport.
7:40pm: Fravel and Amelia are in fact scheduled to depart on MONDAY night.
7:41pm: Really, Fravel??????????????

11:10pm: I can’t write any more.
11:11pm: I think I really am dying of the grippe.
11:12pm: The end!