Sometimes I Drop Shit

There are things that we all characteristically do when we’re drunk. Beth: drunk dialing that puts all other drunk dialing to shame. Freds: cabinet scavenger extraordinaire. Mibs: reveals alternate personalities. My little friend Meliss: sexual history comes out. Katie Reed: home karaoke system addict. WF Sig Pis: shirt tearing nightmares…apparently… Etc. etc. insert your own bad drunk habit here.

I unfortunately have an assortment of unflattering drunk behaviors. I readily admit that I become an out of control flirt who will hang on the nearest standing body (sorry if it’s been you, I really am). And I say really, really stupid shit. But the messiest and most irritating is my terrible drink dropping habit. I have no idea how many glasses/beer bottles I’ve shattered over the years, but it’s probably a lot, and people most likely don’t like cleaning up after me. And it’s Brett who’s bared the brunt – b/c my favorite bad drunk behavior was a combination of these bad drunk behaviors, where in a flirtatious effort I’d throw my beer-holding hands around his neck (hanging), and proceed to spill beer all down his back right before the bottle would full out slip out of my hands and onto the floor where it’d burst and splatter.

This shit’s finally caught up with me. The other night at the 80s party, I surely made a fabulous first impression on the first years (scratch that part, they were all drunk anyway and most likely paid no notice) when I dropped a beer and it quickly broke into 98 pieces. A few of them scratched a friend on the foot (sorry!) and one of them totally bit me in the ankle. I didn’t feel any pain…nope…but I looked down and stared, confused, as blood started dripping down my leg and filling up my stylish pink heels. It was super yucky. Doempke steered me to safety, and got it cleaned up, and then wrapped it in like 90 feet of gauze. I was briefly a spectacle. Then I for once made a smart decision and let Sauj take me home.

I’d like to think that I’d learn some kind of lesson here. You know, like, shit, dropping beer bottles can be dangerous! I should stop doing that! Maybe I should swear off alcohol! But I don’t really see that happening so I’m going to say it b/c it’d be a waste of words anyway. I could also use this an opportunity to warn my friends. Be like, hey, when I start getting drunk don’t come w/into 2 feet of me b/c I might drop a glass and it could cut you. But I won't do that either b/c I wouldn’t have any friends w/in 2 feet of me and to be honest that is pretty boring and why bother going out if you’re going to do that? I don’t know maybe I’ll start taping my glasses/bottles to my hands so I don’t drop them. But that just poses issues to going to the bathroom or using wild hand gestures when I’m trying to emphasize a point. So that’s also an issue.

So I guess I’ll do nothing at all. The cut is healing nicely anyway. Well then on that note…the end I guess. Tomorrow is the first day of school you know! I need to go prepare for that and whatnot. Get my “trapper keeper” in order and all that good stuff. Happy Yom Kippur to all!!!