A Most Historic Affair

Got home yesterday evening from Chahhhhhelston. (That’s how Charleston sounds when pronounced by a Southerner) My friends Sarah, who was on my freshman hall and who I was virtually inseparable from for a good part of my college life at Wake, finally married Preston, her Charlestonian bf of like 8 years.

Given that the affair took place in Charleston, the wedding was big and southern in all its glory, beginning with the rehearsal dinner. It’s held at some sort of historical site, but thing is, damn near everything in Charleston is historical so that’s a mute point. Dix assured us that we were seated at the “fun table” and she did not let us down (thank you). We reunited with some lovely SigChi gentleman including Ben M, Puffy, and Carter who would become our late night reveling friends when all the Kappas peaced out at like 11pm (sorry Sophs are sweet and great but Strings will always be a better time). Memorable moments from dinner include:
· The history lesson: Yes, our dinner was kicked off with a speech about Charleston history so we knew how old the places we would visit for the weekend would be. It was actually v. cute and rather cool, but I have to mention how utterly traditional it is, would never find that outside the South.
· The cotton: Ben, who is as southern as they come, all pastels, seersucker, bowties, and floppy ‘do as well, who still lives in Winston-Salem which is the damn tobacco epicenter of the world, was moaning about the Southerness of the affair. He was particularly offended by the cotton that replaced flowers in the vases in the reception area.
· The champagne: Ben’s moaning aside, he did manage to nab us many extra bottles of champagne from the caterers, which while a grand idea at the time, I’m not so sure in retrospect that it was a good idea. But anyway.

We went out afterward and stayed out until I started to walk a thin line, verbally, and lose a bit of tact. I may or may not have been on the verge of making disparaging remarks to Shipper regarding some of the female attendees and to Donny regarding his notorious rep in college for being somewhat sketch. I was also pestering Carter to no end about getting me into a commercial or something (he’s an actor now…) and being a dreadful pain. At that point Fravs threw me into the cab, declaring, “Teen (my friends call me Linderteen, but I find this no reflection on my maturity), you are DONE!”

Slept until noon on Saturday and recovered with an Excedrin, a Coke (Classic, of course), and a Vitamin Water. After lunch and a wee bit of shopping it was like 2:30 and we had time for like ½ hour of lounging until it was time to prep for the evening. Once dressed and on the shuttle on the way to the church, Fravs made my night with a fantastic quote: “Oh, I forgot that we had to go to the wedding.” Hey motard, you came to Charleston FOR a WEDDING. When you boarded the shuttle did you actually forget about the religious ceremony which is essentially the reason you flew all the way from Boston? Anyway, I liked it.

The wedding was all of 20 minutes, but it was in every aspect lovely lovely, and Dix does make a stunning little bride. As for the reception hall, not gonna lie, we were dubious over the fun potential for the evening. They have this thing for heavy hors d’oeuvres v. meals at Southern weddings, which involves things like grit stations and ham biscuits. It is most tasty. But it does not involve assigned seating, which is an issue when you cannot find a place to sit down and it is 98 million degrees b/c you are in a “historic” 200 year old building, 400 people at your wedding, and it's hot as hell outside (I'm sorry, I've become very spoiled and cranky bout the weather in CA). But southerners graze they do not eat so this is how they do it, and I will admit that it's charming. So when we do find a place to sit down we survey the scene and what we’re noticing is no one is dancing, there is a couple holding a baby like two feet away from us. The baby was cute as a button, but babies don’t exactly scream “fun times tonight!”
Luckily there was plenty of schmoozy-schmoozing to be had as the great North-South (West?) divide meant for a lot of re-union-ish chatter and whatnot and at that the band which indeed kicked ass started to pick things up. By the time we departed the reception to hit up some bar which had a name involving a Tiger we were fully in revelry mode.

The center of entertainment for the remainder of the night became Missy: , a childhood friend of Sarah’s who held the role of resident crazy friend (I find that all wedding’s must involve at least one crazy friend who has a history and is somewhat unstable…this girl is a divorcee…I think she’s 26…) So anyway, she exits the church with like 2 giant centerpieces in her hands and starts distributing blossoms all around which end up in an amusing photo montage later, which I’m sure was appreciated by the bride and groom’s family.

She also requests some beers off the back of a truck which is the epitome of class (umm, I may have been involved in this...) And at the bar she reveals that she swings both ways after extensive petting of Erica’s hair and an eventual offer of a threesome to Donny and Erica (come on now, just like the crazy friend requirement, no wedding could be complete without an off-color sexual story).

We finally clear out, and my night ends with Ben telling me off b/c he cannot believe what I said about his girlfriend’s dress. Ok we shall backtrack. First of all, Ben was hitting (hard) on Frav on Fri night asking for a second chance (they hooked way back when in college). Fast forward to Sat night, I’m standing there with I can’t remember who, may have been Ship (who still pulls crazy hot chicks), who points out a girl across the dance floor as Ben’s girlfriend (excuse me?) who is crashing the wedding and then proceeds to trash her dress, which is too casual and generally unflattering. I nod in agreement, but I didn’t SAY anything about her dress. But of course…the other ingredient for a wedding is drama…so this had to happen, in a way, anyway. But thing is I most likely will not see Ben for at least another 5 year or something so…whatever.

In other news, it’s good to be back in LA where it does not feel like hell, literally, when you walk outside. Also, that girl in my office that wore sequins once? She’s doing it again today. Different top. Honey, no sequins in the office!!