Pair of Jacks + Random Gym Thoughts

First off, update on Jack Bauer, the dog, not the tv character. My parents went up the kennel and put dibs on the pups, which are due to arrive in the Linderman house in August. Dad narrowed down to two, sent the pics y-day; the one in his right hand is his fav (don’t you dare make fun of my Dad’s picture, ps). He titled the email “Pair of Jacks” and signed the email the “Puppymaster.” No one is laughing at this right now, but I am.

Anyway, so do you find that you encounter the weirdest people habits at the gym? Cuz I do. Went y-day to swim. Checked to make sure before going that it was NOT 24 Hour Aqua day, btw. So this old-ish guy who is wearing like 20 tons of cologne – I shit you not you could smell the cologne in the water – gets in the lane next to me. He stands in the water, just standing there, for like 10 minutes. And then he waits precisely for the moment that I am pushing off to push out, and he full out sprints. He edges me by a tiny bit at the wall. But mind you, I was at the tail end of 700 yards. So I’m like, hmm, he is pretty fast, is he trying to race me? No!! Who does that? But then I see that he slows down dramatically, like seriously. And then later on he pulls the race stunt again. Guys if you are a 50 year old man, I think you have serious issues if you are so intent on racing the young girl in the pool with you at your local 24 Hour Fitness. Join Masters or something. Leave me alone. Or…just be blunt and be like, “yo, let’s go.” No wait, don’t do that.

So then I go into the steam room. This old guy is standing up on one of the benches rapidly swinging his arms in and out. It’s gross, b/c he has no shirt on and he’s dripping w/ steam room sweat, so his body parts are all rubbing together making these icky noises that sound a lot like something that I am too much of a lady to write here. Then he lies down and starts doing ab exercises. And he’s breathing like major super heavy. He is grunting. Again…these noises… Then he moves onto other exercises that I honestly could not identify the purpose of, but by this time I felt like I was going to witness him blow his load so I upped and outed that steam room.

It only make me wonder…what weird stuff do I do at the gym? Because I’m sure I do something weird. You know what I think it is? I think I make really weird faces when I’m spinning, b/c I get so totally beat that most likely I show pain on my face. Anyway, one last tidbit about the gym. Now I have only swum at this pool one other time, like 3 weeks ago. And that other time, I was swimming w/ this woman, probably in her 60s or something, and she asked if I swam competitively (umm, like 30 years ago, and I’m slow as balls now). But anyway, she goes at one point, “wow, you are like a real swimmer! We don’t see too many of those around here!” It was cute. So I am getting in last night, and she remembered me…she was like, “oh, you are like the real swimmer!” Yes. I am starting to get it. I am real, and I do swim, thus making me a swimmer, thus making me a real swimmer. Anyway, we chatted it up for a minute or two after that, she is a cutie. Maybe we can hang out and talk about our weird gym quirks sometime.