So, Do You Come Here Often?

All in all this was a fairly fantastic weekend here in LA. Rehana/Rafiki/Rohypnol finally came out from Boston to visit, and it’s always delightful to see old friends. It’s also nice when old friends introduce you to new friends, especially ones that are staying at the Ritz and don’t mind if you come crash at your pool for the entire day as they work on tanning off their hangovers. Famous last words on Friday included our assurance that we’d be taking it easy. Easy turned into a bottle of wine before dinner, three bottles at dinner, and a trip to Beechwood for lots more drinks. I think that Danny Number 2 and BobDickBrian would agree that we did not take it easy on Friday and Danny Number 1 is now afraid to see us on a night when are going out hard.

Anyway, after a day of tanning we went to Venice for a stroll and a snack – and I pet my first parrot. He was this little blue guy and Roo totally thought he was going to bite my finger off, but he just wanted to shake hands. I swear, the bird really did you give you his little claw thing to shake. Adorable.

Parrots are great, but we saw much more interesting things at the BHills Four Seasons bar last night. Aly informed us that it’s a place mostly frequented by hookers and old man, and I’m going to agree. The bar was packed and they make a mean mojito, but I have never seen so many old, unattractive and eerily unattached men in an LA bar, ever. And there were def hookdawgs. I’m pretty sure we came this close to witnessing public sex at this bar (and to note, I bet you this chick does like to do it in movie theaters). We were also very close to playing a game whereby I would pose as a callgirl just to see how much cash we could pull in, but I was not ballsy enough to try to play callgirl anyway.

What I did do…was more embarrassing. So, Bruce Willis walks in. He’s chilling at the bar, alone, standing right next to all of us. For like ever. And he looked so lonely, like he really needed some company, and I just wanted to help him out. And of course I was being egged on. Aly told me that I’m her courageous friend and that my dress was awesome and I should just go for it. Sean told me I should just walk up to him and grab his crotch. We plotted about what to say for a while and I finally just walked up to him. I learned that I’m a total retard and I lose all poise, wit, and intelligence when I try to talk to celebs (as I now have made an ass out of myself in front of both L’il Jon and Brucey).

So I walk up. “Hey, just wanted to come say hello.” Bruce extends hand, I shake, “I’m Sara.” (he doesn’t give me his name, guess he though I knew it). “My friends all wanted to come and say hello, but I was the only one willing to do it.” Bruce, w/ wry smile: “So, they sent you.” Me: “Yep, I guess they did.” Me: “So, do you come here a lot?” Bruce, probably thinking, wow, that is an original thing to say, “No, not really.” Me: “Hmm, yeah, it’s a pretty crazy scene,” (Who SAYS shit like this? Was I having an out of body experience????) Bruce: “Yeah.” Me: “Ok, then, have a great night.” Bruce “Sure.” (i.e., get the fuck out of my face idiot girl).

When I recount the convo to my friends I think they cringed. My favorite reaction personally, is I’m walking to the bathroom and I get a text. It’s from Rehana, it says “Sara just asked Bruce Willis Do You Come Here Often?” I told the motard that she indeed sent the text TO ME. Here is a note though, do you know that talking to Bruce Willis is really intimidating? It is. He’s really not easy to talk to, and he does not want to talk to you. Oh, btw, that little guy from Oceans 11 and Varsity Blues soon joined BW. Should’ve talked to him instead. Bet he would’ve been nicer. Oh well.

So that is pretty much my weekend story. I also had an extended chat w/ some old guy who was not cute by any standards, but hey dude, drinks at the 4 Seasons are $20 so I’m happy to exchange a chat for a bev. And the guy called me La Contessa although I’m still trying to figure out why and asked me if when I’m with my friends I feel like I’m different than them (for the record, umm, no, I don’t), and I’m also still trying to figure out what the hell that meant as well. Anyway, my Vitamin Water is done, and yoga starts in 20 minutes, so I’m out the door. I will say that I’m a little sad the paparazzi didn’t pop up and take a pic of me and Brucey so that I could get my pic in US Weekly, but this gives me some aspirations in life. The End.