Locked Out, V2

Do not readjust your bifocals, you did indeed read the title correctly. That is right. I am absolutely a huge retard and have now locked myself out of my home, well, both of my homes, not once, but twice over this so far 6-week long summer.

We will need to backtrack, back across this past weekend which was most….interesting…to last Thursday night. I had a biz mtg (thank you Sean!!) on Friday morning in San Diego, so I’m like oh I’ll just beat traffic and have a little fun while I’m at it and head down to SD on Thursday night. I get home post-work, pack my stuff, and go out for a run before I head out of town. It’s around 6ish, and I am due in SD to have dinner w/ Erin and some of her friends at 8. Anyway, surrogate mom and surrogate dad are not home, and I know I’m going to be gone for like 40 minutes, so I just leave the door unlocked and head out (yes, I know, why didn’t take my key, really, b/c I didn’t have to, and b/c I was too lazy to do so).

So about 40 minutes later I return to my abode, reach for the door…and…ready for the punchline?? She doesn’t open! (yes, I do like referring to inanimate objects as he’s or she’s, and why is the door a she? I don’t know). I push harder. I shove. I kick. I knock. I ring the doorbell. I soon realize, v. quickly, that 1) the door is definitely not stuck…it’s locked. 2) My surrogates must have locked it. 3) My surrogates must have departed as soon as they locked it. 4) I have no idea when my surrogates will return, most likely not until 11. And 5) I need to leave for SDiego…and what the hell would I do for 4 hours in Laguna Niguel anyway – sit outside in the grass and meditate??? 6) I’m f’ed. This sucks, big time.

So, conclusions drawn, I take my sweaty self next door to the neighbors. Lady of the house answers, I introduce myself and explain my unfortunate situation. And ask perchance do they have a key? They do not. For the next 30 minutes, frustration ensues. We go next door and search the perimeter for alternate ways in (open window? Key hidden in bushes? Throw brick through sliding glass door? Hmm maybe not). We call surrogate mom…we call her three time…leave three messages… We try TommyBahama where surrogate dad works part time…no go. The whole time, lady of the house (LOH), who, I’m sorry, is tremendously dumb, will not give the phone to me to explain situation but instead makes “I’m thinking really hard” faces and leaves confused messages on my behalf.

I finally decide I need a locksmith. LOH asks MOH for “the” locksmith’s number, like they call locksmiths all the time. She tells him I need to get into my car. No, I need to get into the house. What good does getting in my car do? He’s like, “woman, I don’t know the locksmith’s number.” She’s like “oh I thought you would know someone to call.” Then son pipes in that his friend got a locksmith to remake him a car key for like $100. I’m like “oh, I need to get into the house.” For about 5 minutes LOH and son remain very much hung up on getting me into my car and finally after the third (very gentle!) correction they get it…and I get a phone book.

Locksmith says he’ll be there right away. 25 minutes (is that right away??) he comes with his giant toolbox and picks the damn lock open. I get in, and I get ready in like 15 minutes flat which is magical. Now it’s like 8:30. I head downstairs, and here’s the kicker, surrogate parents are sitting there watching tv. Surrogate mom is like, “Oh! I just got your message! How did you get in?” I’m like, oh well I spent $125 on a locksmith.” Fan-tas-tic. I’m overjoyed, really I am. Thank you for locking the door behind me and then leaving without your cell phones. Thanks for never giving me the code to enter the garage. Thanks a lot bitches!!! I know it’s not their fault but at this point I’m turning irrational and I’m kind of fuming internally, so I get myself out of that house as fast as possible before I start speaking to the surrogates like they are flesh and blood v. just surrogates.

I miss dinner w/ Erin but luckily join Meg and her friends in La Jolla, which is lovely, best part of the evening being observing the delightfully tacky and horrendously horrible outfits that all the cougars in the place were donning. We did actually use my camera phone to document the horribleness, but I don’t know how to transfer those over to a computer yet so that will have to wait.

Anyway, today is a new day right? And the $$$ has been spent, and what’s $100 when you’re $100K+ in debt for school anyway? I’ll just call it a day and quit whining. And will be sure to run w/ keys henceforth. The end.